As Christmas Day draws near and the end of the "twelfth" Doctor is upon us, I was moved by a BBC America youtube vid where fans around the world - including a surprisingly cherubic William Shatner - all congratulated Peter Capaldi for the last four years of his life and making Doctor Who awesome.
Moved because, to be blunt, I felt none of it.
Oh, Capaldi is a great actor who has worked hard and certainly deserves his career to continue on its impressive trajectory, but nope - you won't find me saying he was "my" Doctor, or that his take on Twelve inspired me, comforted me, challenged me or to be honest even kept me coming back for more. Had it not been for my parents' love for the show, I would have possibly given up on Doctor Who altogether. It wasn't that the show had become bad, but had deliberately shed itself of absolutely everything I liked about it and become a nihilistic slasher show with two dysfunctional self-destructive leads. The most sympathetic the Twelfth Doctor got was when he was shown as a guilt-ridden would-be child-murderer psychopath, because he at least started smiling and acting like he cared about people. The first year might have been fine television, but it was joyless and depressing and the only person likely to be more of a misery guts than the viewers were the central characters.
Doctor Who became a show about how everyone is a monster, how nothing means anything in the long run because you'll either die or become corrupt. Heaven doesn't exist and the only option is hell, your friends will stab you in the back, and if you want to help, you'll only make things worse. Capaldi's Doc made some pretty speeches as he mused on the inherent pointlessness of it all - care and you get hurt. And don't expect any fancy "it's worth the pain" rhetoric because the Christmas special begins with the Doctor is so sick of life he'd rather die horribly.
So, the news that Capaldi's leaving will get Doctor Who out of the self-harming emo phase it's been stuck in since 2014 then don't let the door hit him on his arse as he leaves.
Of course there have been some great episodes and some brilliant entertainment, but let's not miss the fact that the show started this year by ditching all its "gritty adult darkness" which had driven a lot of people away and left the "true fans" whining and sickened at the changes. And though I applaud the post-Nardole era, I found it impossible to love the Doctor as I have his predecessors. "Oh, that's nice of him," I might have thought, "He was being quite polite and friendly there," but that's it.
It's the deep irony that Peter Capaldi - a lifelong fanboy finally getting his dream job - played someone who hated being the Doctor. Having outlived his allotted span, in his first full episode the Doctor notes that there is nothing left of the original Doctor except some idealized fantasy he rarely is capable of living up to. Used to unquestioning obedience and trust facing black and white over-complicated battles with uncomplicated foes, he spends his first year unable to cope with a complex universe of moral grey. He refuses to get close to anyone, and treats his only remaining ally as shit until she walks out on him - followed by the revelation he's actually turned her into a bad person. His effort to become/stay a good man is a hollow promise that has undermined his ability to even save the universe; even when he gets some closure he hurls abuse at Clara for expecting to care about people if he doesn't have to. If he isn't defined by being good or bad, he's only got self-preservation and selfishness left.
And yes he starts smiling and laughing and joking rather than being viciously cruel to everyone he meets... after he's shown breaking any standards he had of deliberately leaving a child to die in a minefield. Gripped by suicidal shame and a rising death wish, he cannot live with himself and thus, in his words, retreats to the other hims who weren't such total screw-ups. Yeah, he saved Davros. But he was going to kill a defenseless little boy by inaction and that isn't ever going to change. And his relationship from Clara decays further - they're much happier together, but his refusal to make any other connections isolates him even further.
Oh, and then he's killed off and the adventures since have been focused on a mindwiped clone but no one talks about that for some reason.
The Doctor that Bill and Nardole is a kind if reckless teacher and protector, whose hearts are in the right place if his head isn't... but I couldn't quite bring myself to trust him. He seems far more sincere and honest sneering at contempt at humans and Clara, of letting an Arctic base crew die horribly because he can't be arsed to stop it, than going on about kindness and mercy. Marc Platt, I believe, noted when they were doing the Unbound series that the one possibility they would never explore was a Doctor who didn't care; take away that desire to take part in events and try and make them better and there's nothing left. Even the evil David Collings Doctor and the Valeyard had that aspect. They could not stand around doing nothing.
As Moffat was keen to stress, Capaldi's Doctor was not the "angry one" but "the one that doesn't care".
So in The Lie of the Land, I was more convinced the Doctor was himself when he turned his back on the human species than when he was fighting to liberate them. It felt more genuine that the Doctor considers a doomed spaceship and a terrified crew learning tools for Missy than when he was determined to do anything to save Hazran and her people. His poetic spiel to Jorge (you know, the one that convinced the blue man the best thing to do was shoot Bill dead) was very well acted but utterly hollow, a routine said out of habit. It rang as insincere and unconvincing as Deep Breath where he insisted he would protect the species he has repeatedly dubbed "pudding brains" - retarded and unworthy of his respect.
Thus when the Master and Missy doubted the Doctor would stand and die for a bunch of Amish losers, there was a point, too. Capaldi's Doctor is more believable as a horrible person as a hero. His vengeance against Gallifrey was believable because he wanted to hurt and humiliate people. His attempt to save the Romans and the Celt from the shadow beasts felt like he was looking for an excuse to end the episode. Even in The Pilot, the Doctor looks far more comfortable and credible about to mind-rape Bill than sitting with her on Christmas Day.
In short, this is a Doctor you can't trust when he says he wants to help. If he acts like he's your friend, he's lying. If he makes you cry and want to end it all, it's the only time he's being honest. People don't matter to him. Places don't matter to him. He doesn't want to be here or doing this.
And that's why he'll never be my favorite Doctor, never be in my top, or the one I want to see again.
Sorry, Pete. You were an awesome lead character - but as the Doctor? No.
Change can't come quick enough.
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