It's the sixth episode of the Doctor Who on this year
It's called Demons of the Punjab and there's plenty of fear
It'll be full of minorities and ridiculously PC
It bothers Jeremy Clarkson about modern TV
Doctor Who should be British and everyone all white
Just Daleks and Cybermen and no subtext in sight
It was bad enough when Peter Capaldi was all PC
Jodie Whittaker's put the JW into SJW, don't you see?
The companion's a woman, a Muslim and bi
The nation was shocked, the old guard did cry
What about that dyspraxic angry black guy?
He still can't ride a bike after the second try!
For such an inclusive show, there's only one white man
"This is an insult to the British!" shout the Klu Klux Klan!
"How dare you tell us to feel such guilt and shame!
For colonial pasts which we're not to blame!
Who gives a damn about black women on a bus?
Remember when Doctor Who never made such a fuss
About social concerns and government choices!
It silenced the minority so we didn't hear their voices!
We're sick of this, let's get it off our chest
Stop telling us what to think when we know best
This BBC propaganda has gotten all out of hand!
All these leftie-leaners are ruining our land!
So cancel Doctor Who because the ratings are down!
It was way better with that guy from The Crown!
We hate all this inclusion and we hate all this woke
Virtual signalling? Pah! What a joke!"
And now this story's shown on Remembrance Day
About Indian Partition, hell that's not okay!
So sometime last century the country was split in two
It's hardly worth discussing in Doctor Who!
So, a lot of people were killed and a lot of people died
They're just bloody foreigners, Lord Mountbatten cried
Who cares about Hindus? Who cares about Sikhs?
Let the monsters kill them, they're all bloody freaks!
Why is the Doctor there? Is there one good reason
For the TARDIS to arrive in this precarious season?
Well, it's been five episodes and now it's time for Yaz
To hog the limelight and all that jazz!
Her character's flat, she's the least of the bunch
Even though we've met her family twice for lunch
Her granny's all cryptic, she won't say what she knows
About a broken watch whose hands are froze
But Yaz wants the truth, that's what she wants to know
Lucky there's time travel in this here show
A TARDIS can take her back to her nanny's young life
Guaranteeing shenanigans and plenty of strife!
Perfect timing, Team TARDIS meet a nice young man
Who turns out to be betrothed to Yaz's young nan
He's been forgotten by history so there's a twist in the tale
His romantic intentions are destined to fail
His younger brother's a douche-bag, full of rant and fire
Remember Being Human? In that he was a vampire
He played D&D and he ate little girls
While whining about this unfair world
That he turned out psycho was hardly a surprise
He smug and sneering and he told lots of lies
Though it was a shock he killed a holy man
That tends to be the evil alien's plan
There were creepy aliens on scene but of course
Watching our heroes travel to town on a horse
The aliens looked creepy, they loitered in the gloom
They had a long history with the local bride groom
Back in World War Two, they were stalking the dead
Leaving weird purple smoke in their stead
What were they up to? What motive was their goal?
Well it turned out they had lots of love in their soul!
Like Testimony, they gave the dead their due
Who would have died alone without them, it's true
They weren't evil and they weren't mean
It was total coincidence they were at the scene
Yes, humans were the real monsters it seems once again
As partition of India turned friend and friend
Things got violent and it was time to run
This is a historical there's nought to be done
Yaz had to force herself to simply stand by
As people in her past were destined to die
Though it wasn't as heartbreaking as Father's Day
It was a downer ending we have to say
Remember Shakespeare or Robin Hood
When historical stories left you feeling good?
There was plenty in the past that was awful bad
But it would be nice for an ending that wasn't sad
Yaz got lots of screentime compared to her mates
But was left helpless when it came to the fates
Of the people she loved, of the people she liked
Nothing was done, no one was proved right
So Yaz went back to twenty-eighteen
Not telling anybody what she'd just seen
Did nanny remember? At first it seemed so
But maybe not, the memory's the first to go
And nothing was achieved and all left unsaid
Yaz probably regretted getting out of bed
So while the public were disgusted at this story
Plenty of fans shouted "Embrace the glory!
It's the best episode of the year, that is clear to us all
The sort of adult drama that makes us fans stand tall
It makes you frown and sob and sad
And the idea of partition really makes you mad!
When was the last time TV made you think
About all the atrocities and caused such a stink
Reminding the world there's more than the UK
Than Brexit, than Trump and the US freaking A?
It's a testament to the skill of all those involved
That every viewer will refuse to absolve
Generations past of their numerous crimes
In periods they dared call "the good old times".
But the price is depression for this clarity
As we're all stuck out in this reality
There's no Doctor here to even the score
We can't even get protection from the law
When Trump laughs as California burns
And gunmen in Melbourne earn quick returns
People bitch about sci-fi will of ps o' c
It's easier to yell that to you and me
Maybe next episode things won't seem so bleak
But I guess we'll all have to wait till next week
Will the next installment escape all this angry flack?
Pity it stars that irritating bastard, Lee Mack.
It's that time of week again, both with yearning and with dread
When Mr. Fishface Asparagus rears hir scaly golden head
What does it have to say for itself? What wisdom to impart?
Oh what now from the boring old fart?
I give the story four out of ten, call it forty percent!
Interesting slice of history yet too much sentiment!
Should have bee a historical with no science fiction
All those alien elements bolted on cause friction!
There's not much to say when shove comes to push
But I rather prefer all of this remastered Kate Bush
Plus it's finally occurred to me that Halloween is past
So I better pull some more Chatham from my arse!
And what of the SCADS and their zealout Lighthope?
Has he hanged himself when he's got enough rope?
How's he coping with the show living in twenty-eighteen
When his organization disses Rose for Christine?
I've given "Whitticker" 5 episodes now, it just ain't working for me
She has a dull-dull zero character full of superficiality
I wouldn't register her acting, in my opinion solidified
The appeal of this Doctor leaves me quite mystified.
It's too late to impress me, and it's happened before
Eccleston, Tennant, Smith I found generic and a bore
I kind of liked Capaldi but only the first year
Do I even like this new Who? Le me say, "No fear!"
"Whitticker" is as bad as Adric, no wonder the "raitings" are down
I still watch the show, but only when wearing a frown
Been watching since the 80s and now it's naff, I despair
Why can't Dave Segal be canonical? It's plain unfair!
I don't like this series and I hate "Whitticker"
I'm happy to spread rumors about "Chinballs" and her
That they're both unhappy and they both want to quit
So I misspelt their names? Frankly, I don't give a shit!
But it looks like we're stuck with her til 2020 at least
Three years with a woman? Somebody get me a priest!
It all went wrong when producers started to write
Script editors are too scared to tell them they're shite!
I felt "Moffit" was good when he didn't run the show
When he became producer, nobody said "No"
To his stupid ideas and complicated story arcs
His empowered female characters and comedy larks
But if "Moffit" was script editor, I'm sure things would improve
Unlike McCoy-era JNT who had lost all his groove
The series is suffering, I admit I have no idea why
But probably it's cause the Doctor's no longer a guy
Instead he's terrible actress who has no career
Apart from a high-profile role that makes me sneer
When it comes direction and scripts that are bad
There's no better judges than the folks from the DWAD!
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