Marooned is certainly not the greatest of episodes. Avon and his friends don't appear for the first fifteen minutes, which is an extended prologue for Rescue. Dorian pilots Scorpio, trying to chase down the Liberator which - thanks to a never-mentioned-again detector shield Scorpio possesses - is unaware it is being followed.
Dorian's bewildered why the Liberator keeps changing direction if it's not trying to elude him, and Slave works out they're following a series of coded signals. Just Soolin then rings up the ship for a bit of bitchy exposition, coming across as a more human long-suffering girlfriend than the stoic sharpshooter we saw on TV. Dorian's "meticulously-detailed plan" was to head the planet Califeron in the justifiable-hope Avon's gang would turn up then, somehow, invite them back to Xenon for some reason. Yeah, Soolin's not convinced the plan will work either.
"I have no interest in becoming a freedom fighter!" she huffs at the idea of allying themselves with Avon to get access to the teleport. And when Dorian hangs up on her she mutters, "I really could get quite annoyed with you, Dorian, and that won't end well... for you." Given she's not even wearing a gun for this scene, you'd be forgiven for thinking the worst Soolin could do would be to urinate into the cappuccino machine.
As she storms off, the cameraman idly wanders around the Xenon Base set as though the director's forgotten to say "cut" as we hear a disembodied voice say "soon" a lot, which is like the start of The Web and just about as interesting. Certainly anyone creeped out by this development will be more likely to wonder why Soolin can't hear the voice of legion under the floorboards, and by the end of the episode we're none the wiser.
Nor is there any clue why Dorian, having dozed off chasing the Liberator, is now infected with blue-green algae.
Slave awakes Dorian from his lava-lamp nightmare and back to normal. When the computer apologizes for disturbing him, Dorian dryly comments he "was already disturbed" which doesn't seem much like his angry insistence he's completely sane in the next episode. Maybe I'm reading too much into this.
Anyway, Slave reveals they've reached Delta 714 which has no planets on chart - Dorian knows better, saying "I know exactly where they're going, I just don't know why!" - but is a prohibited zone of unacceptable danger! You see, Scorpio has followed the Liberator to the edge of a glowing hell-mouth of space enzymes.
Slave and Dorian agree it's too dangerous to travel through the cloud, and are equally astonished when the Liberator does just that. They'll just have to take the long way round, adding four hours to their journey to the "charming little planet" of Terminal, and that's it for new material for a while.
Then we get the destruction of the Liberator sequence. Cutting to a shot of the rotting ship orbiting Terminal, repeating everything from "Maximum power!" to the final bang, before we catch a slightly-different view of the explosion in the closest to new material for a while.
If you're expecting to see Avon and co down on that planet, continue to be disappointed. In fact, it's the first Dorian scene from Rescue as he and Slave approach Terminal and detect the radiation from the explosion. Despite having seen the Liberator double-dip into space acid, Dorian seems surprised at the idea it might have exploded and bullies Slave to find out what happened as we get past that hastily-ended version. Dorian tells Slave to investigate the wreckage and ponders a plan to rescue any survivors of the ship.
Just then, a bit of the wreckage side-swipes Scorpio...
...which knocks Dorian over. Slave reveals they're in the radiation shadow of the explosion and his Yiddish accent goes all Olympian detachment as - somehow - Zen inexplicably takes over the computer and refers to the Liberator as DSV2 and says "Confirmed". Then he goes back to normal and this is never mentioned again.
Dorian's more concerned as the non-functional teleport suddenly functions and everyone's favorite Bitch in White (well, wearing black nowadays) vogues into existence...
Pulling out a gun from who-knows-where, Servalan demands to know what the hell's happening - she's as bewildered to her escape as Dorian is to her arrival, but he puts on the charming blue-collar worker act explaining they are on the salvage ship Scorpio heading for Terminal. To salvage "the valuable gear waiting to be stripped out" of Terminal, identical lines used better in Rescue. Certainly Servalan's unimpressed.
Servalan demands Dorian turn the ship around or she'll shoot him, but Dorian points out Servalan can't fly Scorpio without the help of his "quaint computer" who won't respond to her voice. Dorian offers to drop her off after he's salvaged Terminal, explaining " I'm working to a schedule, my associates won't be pleased if I'm late."
However, Dorian decided that a two-day delay to take Servalan to the nearest Federation is worth it to get this trigger-happy psycho-bitch off his hands and he tells Slave to change course. He then neatly denies having any idea his ship has a teleport, and changes the subject by asking Servalan who she is. He seems to know she's damn well lying when she claims to be Commissioner Sleer.
So, what sick and depraved sex games will they play to pass the next eighteen hours to Carthenis?
We never know, and maybe that's for the best as Dorian, Servalan, Slave, Soolin and Scorpio (what a lot of "S"s!) vanish from the episode never to return and we focus on the bleak surface of Terminal as snow starts to fall, symbolically calming down the libidos of anyone still watching at this point.
Downstairs - following the same down, down, down motif of Xenon Base earlier - Avon, Dayna, Vila and Tarrant are standing around while Orac bitches that he leaves these idiots alone for five minutes and this is what happens. There aren't any ships nearby since "this artificial monstrosity" Avon has recklessly marooned them all on is the only planet in the whole solar system, so Orac's not going to be able to carjack anything anytime soon. Worse, the radiation from the Liberator's explosion means Orac can't even send a distress call to lure in a ship.
Vila, who's in a bit of a mood, thinks the distress signal is a bad idea even though he says "Great idea! Let’s alert any bounty hunter, Space Rat or any other passing megalomaniac to our presence here! There’s still a price on our heads, remember?" but Avon thinks that'll improve the odds of someone coming to get them. "What could possibly go wrong?" the thief retorts.
Dayna and Tarrant agree that maybe they should focus on fixing the spaceship they have instead of trying to steal another one, but Avon reminds them that conducting repairs being attacked by Morlock-gorilla-grams isn't feasible. "We can't just wait to be rescued!" shouts Dayna, breaking the fourth wall a bit since we all will have to... wait... to see Rescue... no? Nothing?
Avon notes the underground complex they're in is huge and full of food and drink to keep them going for years, which they could probably enjoy if Vila got off his arse and opened the locked doors.
"Still giving the orders, eh? Why should I listen to you?" Vila demands.
"Presumably because you want to continue breathing," Avon retorts.
Tarrant ends up playing peacemaker - and being inevitable crap at it - as the blame game starts. Vila is angry Avon stupidly flew through the cloud, and talks about how he had to watch Zen die. Avon dismisses the heartbreaking "I have failed" stuff as corrupted circuitry. Vila notes Zen, unlike Avon, could say sorry and gets told:
"I am sorry Vila. I'm sorry I have to listen to your inane ramblings! I'm sorry you all disobeyed my orders by following me down here. And I'm sorry that my survival may now depend on you!"
Tarrant reminds everyone that if the gang had stayed on the ship, they'd probably all be dead now. Dayna wants to know why Avon was keeping Blake's survival a secret, and Tarrant is as convinced of his answer as Servalan was. Avon takes a moment to notice yet even more dialogue is being recycled, and it looks like Paul Darrow finds it more amusing than I do.
Again Tarrant tries to cut through the arguing and tries to be the boss. Given he was the one who outsmarted Servalan and Avon was the one who screwed up, it looks like he's actually got their support. Vila agrees to start unlocking doors, Dayna agrees to look for weapons and... hang on, where's Cally?
Turns out she's taking the news of Blake's death rather badly, and as the only other person who genuinely thought the Curly-Haired One still lived, Avon guesses she's in the medical office reading Blake's treatment notes. More repetition, we needed to hear Cally read out those lines. Even down to the ominous pause mentioning Blake.
Avon thankfully enters and reminds the audience this is all fake, Blake was never here and he's dead. Although Servalan might have lied, she has no reason to so he's probably gone for good. Cally admits she needs to see Blake again for some closure and so wants to try the hologram-dream machine thing. Avon, not unreasonably, notes this is a waste of time and they are needed in the real world.
Cally unleashes one final Auron saying - "If you are brave enough to say goodbye, life will reward you with a new hello" - which is so utterly trite Avon accuses her of making this shit up as no species is so weak and pathetic to use such language. Cally admits with a smirk she might be talking crap about all these Auron sayings, which feels very poignant given this is her last episode.
Avon agrees to let Cally talk to holo-Blake for some closure but tells her, "Don’t believe anything you see or hear in there. That isn’t Blake."
"I know," she replies quietly. "But it is all I have."
"I always thought you knew better than most how dangerous sentimentality can be," Avon says, walking out without looking at her again, in what will be their final scene together.
Shut up! I'm not crying! You're crying!
Ahem. Cally gets comfortable under that Freudian microphone and enters the dreamworld... she wakes up in the corridor outside the office, amazed at how realistic it all feels, and peers through the window to see... FILM! Entering Blake's bedroom, our hirsuit heroic hologram admits he's surprised to see her.
But just when events take a fascinating and intellectual turn, we cut back to the others in Servalan's lounge room. Vila wanders in with a Federation rifle and he's changed his clothes into the outfit he was wearing during Moloch. With some overdubbed stock footage, we recall Servalan nicked the teleport bracelet from Vila in that episode (said bracelet now in the medical office to prove Blake was there) and also his clothes since he was wearing a uniform.
But why?
"Perhaps she wanted to harvest Vila's DNA," shrugs Tarrant.
"What a revolting thought," says Dayna, who should be used to those. Is that her catchphrase now?
"Well now, we know Servalan had a penchant for cloning," Avon notes with a wicked grin.
"Why would she want to clone me?"
"Why would anyone want to clone you? One of you is one too many."
But as Vila tries to put the moves onto Dayna with predictably lame results, Avon reminds everyone that now Servalan is missing-presumed-dead her allies will no doubt come to investigate Terminal and not be happy to find our heroes there. So... isn't that what you wanted, so you could steal their ships?
Announcing that Tarrant was right and they need to try and fix the ship, Avon asks for the gun to defend himself from Links. A very tense moment passes which, until I remembered the last time Avon had a gun he threatened to ventilate Tarrant's internal organs, is utterly bewildering. In fact, maybe I'm wrong and it's just everyone unable to remember their lines for five minutes.
Avon heads up to the surface with Dayna to defend him - "my hero," Avon says when Vila refuses to leave the base, because this script seems compiled of old soundbites.
In the illusion world, fake Blake admits he can't tell what's real and isn't even sure if he spoke to Avon or not. Cally is unhelpful, pointing out that he isn't real anyway. Fake Blake apologizes for being part of the trap and also for deliberately hiding from the Liberator so they couldn't find him no matter how hard they looked. Servalan was lying and he's still alive - or is he just saying what Cally wants to hear?
"Maybe I’m more than just a computer program," fake Blake muses.
Again, we're dragged back to reality for Avon and Dayna to climb out into the snow where Avon finds the viewfinder thing that Servalan's Thal-mutoid stooges dropped in the previous episode, helpfully explaining the corpses have been dragged away by Links so there's no need to write in and complain. Dayna also helpfully adds the whole thing was told to them by Cally, so that's how they know this. Jeez. Thanks.
Just then, one of the Links - looking particularly crap against the white snow - funky-gibbon their way towards our heroes. Avon does not mow the bastards down, presumably to help pad out the episode or maybe because Darrow was finding it hard enough not to laugh at them. When Dayna asks why he's waiting for them to get so close, he replies, "I want to take a closer look at Man's supposed future."
Then, presumably out of genetic embarrassment, he shoots it and justifies this as scientific curiosity.
Dayna isn't convinced and so getting out the viewfinder, Avon easily spots Servalan tacky-plastic looking spaceship apparently dead ahead of them.
"How does it look?" asks Dayna.
"Unpromising," says Avon, echoing the thoughts of anyone who saw that laughable model.
Anyway, back underground we get some comfortingly-generic bitchy banter as Tarrant tries to bully Vila into opening doors. The door is a swing-open version instead of slide-open and a more cynical mind than mine might think they ran out of set and used the spaceship from Moloch. Except this one with bombs behind it.
Vila and Tarrant immediately crap themselves with terror. Apparently they've spent an hour trying to open that door but in the dreamworld, fake Blake's only just said his last line. Apparently fake Blake is so utterly convincing he even wants to rebel against Servalan's programming and tells Cally to get the hell out of here, unable to communicate in original dialogue (though more down to poor writing than any deeper meaning). He explains Servalan's ship is primed to blow and so is the base.
Cally agrees to leave but with no one to switch off the machine is trapped in the dreamworld. Plus she's not sure if Blake's in her head or if she's in his - deep, huh? Fake Blake urges her to wake up and their efforts to break free make everything go red and blue like you need 3D glasses to appreciate the effect...
Finally Cally's eyes open and...
Time for the first scene of Rescue. In fairness, this isn't recycled footage. The same scene is recorded with some glass shots and false perspective of varying quality, and some slightly-different line readings. Anyway, a Link chooses this precise moment to sneak into the spaceship.
...and it blows up.
Avon notes that the base is probably blowing up to and, as ever, he's right. Vila and Tarrant are already running to the ladder when an alarm goes off and the explosion. Tarrant wants to stay and rescue Cally when the roof comes down on him. Vila tries to drag Tarrant to the ladder, alternately considering ditching him when Cally arrives.
Using telepathy, Cally manages to wake up the unconscious oaf and get him climbing the ladder. "Haven't I done enough?" Vila grumbles when he's told to help, but chivalrously offers to let Cally go first. She remembers Orac's still in the lounge room and heads to get it while the others climb.
"I will be right behind you," she promises.
"You'd better be!" Vila says, following Tarrant up.
The explosions destroy the illusion equipment in the medical office - and the screen showing Blake symbolically explodes as the fake Blake dissolves into pixels. Cally manages to reach the living room and Orac just as the ceiling comes down on top of her, pinning her down.
Back to existing footage as Vila drags the unconscious Tarrant out of the hatch but this time we see Cally's hand twitching under the rubble as she telepathically links to the little thief. The everything blows up and Cally's face is engulfed in SFX as Avon and Dayna arrive to see everything that has yet to blow up, blow up.
Avon wants to know where Orac is, but Dayna is more interested in Cally and is stunned when the sobbing Vila points at the burning wreckage. Avon rounds on Vila for leaving her down there, "Well done, Vila, you've surpassed yourself! You had three choices who to save - and you chose Tarrant?!"
Avon heads down a blown-open air vent to find Orac and confirm if Cally is alive. Vila is left by the unconscious Tarrant, convinced Avon blames him for Cally's fate and sadly muttering, "She'll be alright. They'll find her. Won't they, Tarrant? Tell me she'll be alright..."
Yeah, spoiler alert, she ain't all right.
Avon climbs down into the "destroyed" base that looks rather undestroyed with a smoke machine superimposed over the set and lights turned down. Heading into the ruined living room (which does look trashed) he finds Orac who doesn't work properly. And then he slowly acknowledges the corpse in the room.
"I am sorry, Cally," says Avon quietly, then collects his computer and buggers off without another word leaving her alone and silent. I AM NOT CRYING, YOU ASSHOLES!
Anyway, another scene from Rescue, also extended. Tarrant wakes up by the fire and learns that the base exploded, Vila rescued him, Cally's dead and both Orac and the ship are "a bit dented."
"We're stuck on this miserable planet for the rest of our lives," Vila complains when what sounds like a Drashig climaxes off-screen. "Not that that's likely to be very long," he adds.
"First light tomorrow we'll make for the high ground to the south," declares Avon.
"Is it worth the effort?" wonders Tarrant, his gung-ho take charge attitude of twenty minutes ago well-and-truly gone. He's been in charge for less than that and they're worst off than ever before.
"Are you ready to lay down and die?" asks Avon pointedly.
Tarrant groans and rubs his head. "I think I already have."
"Liberator destroyed, Cally dead, no way off this armpit of a planet," Vila whines. "He may have the right idea."
"Well, you must please yourselves of course," Avon replies. "But tomorrow morning I head south, and I'm taking the gun with me."
"You talked me into it," Vila mutters as more demonic orgasms are heard.
Then we fade from one campfire to another.
The echo of Cally's death scream makes the man by the fire look up, haunted.
Is it Blake? Is it his clone? Whoever it is, he looks very, very stoned.
And the episode ends.
I think it's fair to say B7 lasted four decades without this episode, so it's not exactly revelatory. It's basically some missing scenes sewn together, and while there are a couple of good lines and a better farewell for Cally (Chappell makes the most of her last scenes with Darrow, Keating and Thomas and even Tuddenham gets a moment with her) it doesn't add much else. You can see why they weren't fussed about using Servalan's nifty escape - her knowing about Dorian and Scorpio before our heroes could have gone somewhere interesting - and outright contradict it in Sand. There's virtually no plot, no surprises bar the scene where we find Servalan keeps Vila's pants for a mysterious unexplained reason and when you think about it, they could have kept things on Terminal if they wanted an obscure underground base with a dodgy spaceship. Blowing it all up means Dorian has to turn up to give them all another set to milk for thirteen episodes before blowing them up as well.
Still, it's some new material with actors sadly lost to us now (or as good as, in Simon's case) but the fact is it wasn't considered worthy enough to broadcast at the time. Are we better off with this semi-extra episode?
As they say in Kaldor City, you tell me.
