5 Minute Fiction: Kinderschema

Kinderschema - a set of physical characteristics that humans are naturally drawn towards.


What's wrong with me? Trent had wondered to himself for the last six months. No one had answered him, or his equally-important questions of Why aren't I good enough? Why do you want another baby?

He'd tried to ask those questions out aloud, when he'd really been brave or just angry enough to want an answer. The answers hadn't helped him at all. Penny said Mom and Dad were going for a record. Wind had been too busy wondering why his wife didn't want kids at all. Summer and Dad had just told him "the more, the merrier". Wind said a lot of things he didn't understand that were probably useless.

Trent didn't feel merry. He felt scared.

He watched TV. He saw all sorts of shows. He knew that babies came from ladies who got really big and round stomachs before they started shouting a lot. And he knew so many times the doctor came out of the room with a baby and said that mom wasn't going to wake up, and dad was sad but happy because he had a baby.

How could any baby be worth mom? Trent didn't know. Trent didn't want to find out. He loved his mom. He was horrified at the idea one day she'd close her eyes and never open them again.

But it might happen now. Dad would get a baby and Trent wouldn't be with his mom any more. He was scared, but he couldn't tell anyone. Everyone said since Mom was having a baby, he wasn't allowed to upset her. He had to keep her happy and relaxed and if she asked for anything, he had to do it, no matter what. Everyone did that.

He didn't mind getting his mom tea or cakes or trying to put pickled gherkins in ice cream. He minded the idea that he was in kitchen and any day his mom was going to go and leave him behind forever. Every day he woke up fearing his dad and his sisters would be there with a baby in their arms and telling him he'd never see his mom again.

Every day since mom had told them she was going to have a baby, he'd been scared. He'd seen her sick and throwing up. Seen her grumble her clothes were too small. Seen her tummy get bigger and bigger until it must surely be agony to her. He worried she'd pop like a balloon.

Mom had shown him something like a really blurry black and white photo that meant one day he'd have a little sister.

He didn't care. He wanted his mom, not some sister.

Dad said nothing would go wrong. Mom had had babies before, two boys and two girls, and she was fine. Trent just felt that she'd used up her good luck and now bad things would happen. He couldn't cope if he didn't have his mom any more. He wasn't sure he wanted a sister, or a brother, or anyone. How could they make up for losing his mom?

And the more he thought about it, the unhappier he felt.

Why did mom and dad want him to have a baby sister? He wasn't stupid, he knew babies were too stupid to do anything. His baby sister wouldn't do the washing up or take the garbage out. She'd just be in nappies, pooping and crying for years and years. Everyone would have to stop having fun and look after her and she wouldn't even say thanks. She wouldn't say anything for years and years, and mom and dad would spend all this money on her. Money not spent on Trent or the others. And his little sister would just want stuff and be mean and bully him because he didn't do everything for her. And then if anything bad happened, she'd blame it all on them.

Why? Why was mom willing to go to sleep and never wake up for someone like that? Someone loud and noisy and miserable who'd make everyone unhappy? Didn't mom realize how much they needed her? How much they loved her? How horrible it would be to live in a world without her?

Trent thought a lot about it. He wished he didn't, but every day he saw his mom get a little bigger and every day everyone talked about his baby sister. He began to wonder if mom wanted a baby because he wasn't good enough. They wanted a baby to make them happy.

He didn't make his mom and dad happy.

He made them so unhappy they wanted to risk everything for a baby girl.

And he'd been good. He'd done everything that he was told and always tried to help. But mom and dad only talked about his baby sister. She wasn't even outside his mom's tummy and she was more popular than him. A girl who would be cleverer and cuter than him. Someone worth dying for, not like him.

He knew his mom would want him to love his little sister, but how could he ever love someone who was better than him? Who made his parents happier? Who gave them everything he didn't?

Trent would have run away, but his mom was really, really big and round and his dad was telling them all not to upset her. If he ran away, he'd make things worse. So he stayed in his room, tried not to bother anyone, and cried. A lot.

It didn't make him feel any better.

***

"Hey, Trent," called Penny one day, banging on his bedroom door and not looking inside. "Mom's gone into labor. Get ready to stop being the baby any more!"

Trent wasn't sure what 'lay-bur' was. It sounded like something to do with 'laying eggs'. He was fairly certain people didn't hatch from eggs. But what to do? This could be the last time he saw his mom...

Wind and Summer were away. Penny wanted to go somewhere to drink stuff and get drunk. Dad was somewhere else. Mom was in her bedroom, in 'lay-bur'. Was this the last time he'd ever see her?

So, so scared, Trent went to the bedroom door and knocked politely.

"Who is it?" came the slightly-breathless reply.

"Mom?" he asked meekly. "It's me, Trent. Can I come in?"

As always, when his mom spoke she sounded like she was singing a pretty song. "Of course you can, baby," she cooed.

Trent twisted the door knob and entered. It wasn't often the door was closed, unless mom and dad were busy with "privacy time" or whatever they called it that week.

His mom was lying on the left side of the big bed, not wearing any clothes. She was grinning a big, stupid, excited grin and her skin was really pale. Trent got the idea she was actually full of milk, which was why her skin was whiter than anyone except Wind's. It made her look special, which he liked.

Mom patted the little bit of mattress between her and the side of the bed, wanting him to sit beside her. He felt a pang of worry, that maybe she knew this was the last time they'd ever be together, and crawled up onto the bed beside her. One of her arms wrapped around him, but the other folded over the top of her big egg-shaped belly, reaching down and rubbing upwards towards her chest.

"Are you okay, mom?" he asked quietly.

Mom smiled her wonderful smile at him. He didn't know anyone else who could smile like her, even in cartoons. The thought he might not see that smile again made his eyes cry without permission.

"I'm okay, hon," she said, stroking her cheek with her free hand. "Just can't wait to see your baby sister. I know I'm supposed to be getting all the rest I can before she arrives, but it's so exciting." She looked down at her round tummy, and Trent saw the look in her eyes; like when she used to bounce up and down on trampoline with him. She was so happy and excited. How come he never made her that happy?

"Your sister's been waiting so long to see us," his mom went on. "Now the contractions have started, she'll be here in no time." She kicked her legs and managed to shuffle into the middle of the bed, letting Trent have more room.

The bed was cold except for where his mom was; there, it was really hot. Actually, her skin was hot all over, like a hot water bottle. The only other time he'd known people to get that hot, they'd been sick, with a fever. He looked up at his mom and hoped she wasn't sick.

"Nine months and now all that's left is for her to come out," Mom said, so much love in her voice.

"How can you be so happy?" asked Trent. "You've never met her. She might not be nice."

Mom looked down at him. "I didn't meet you before you were born," she reminded him, spreading her legs wide to get more comfortable. Trent clung to her thigh as she did so. "You were nice."

"But why aren't I nice enough?" Trent wondered.

"What's wrong?" Mom asked him. "Trent, you're wonderful. Who said you aren't nice enough?"

"If I'm nice enough, why do you need another baby?"

"Hey," mom said gently, pulling him forward until his chin was resting on her overstretched tummy. It felt uncomfortably hard. "We're not having another baby because you're not good enough, Trent," his mother promised him. "We didn't have you because Penny wasn't enough, or Penny because Summer wasn't enough, or Summer because Wind wasn't enough."

"Then why?" asked Trent petulantly. "Babies are all stinky and cry all the time and we have to change nappies and buy cribs and everything. What's the fun in that, mom? Why would anyone do all that if they didn't have to? I know having babies hurts, so why are you so happy? Why do you want to hurt to have a crybaby and diapers?" His eyes widened. "How come any of that makes you happy?"

His mom was rubbing both of her hands over her belly now. It seemed a lot softer. "Aw, honey," she sighed. "Your sister's going to be more than just nappies and no sleep. She's going to be perfect, just like you and your brother and sisters. She's going to love us more than anything, and we're going to love her too. You wait," she promised Trent, "when she's here and you can see her, you'll be so happy you'll never once want a day without her in the world. There's going to be nothing she does you won't be proud of, no mistakes she makes that you can't forgive. You're going to see her smile and nothing else will be bad enough to upset you. She's going to look after you, Trent, just like you're going to look after her. Every year you'll think about today, the day she was born, and you'll be so happy."

Trent couldn't believe that. Penny and Summer never acted happy when it was his birthday. No one ever said he made them feel happy. Except for Wind, who said that about everyone. And his mom.

He stared at the thin brown line rising up to her belly button, which seemed right underneath his mother's chin. "Are you sure you're going to be all right?" he asked nervously.

"I was all right the first four times," his mom replied, all wise and kind but out of breath. One hand was cupped over to top of her stomach while the other reached around his shoulders. "And I've got my brave little boy keeping me company. Nothing can hurt me. Oooh!"

The side of his mom's stomach bulged outwards towards him.

His mother ran a fingernail over the bulge. "Is that your little foot?" she asked, as if talking to someone. Trent realized she was talking to his sister inside her tummy, but wasn't sure if his sister could hear her voice. Or understand her words. Or care, even if she did.

His mother hummed happily, rubbing around her belly and prodding the bulge. She was so happy. Sometimes Trent felt bad that he didn't feel as happy about the world as his mom did.

His mom giggled and her belly jiggled as if the baby was laughing too.

"I'll miss this," his mom said, curving patterns in her tummy. "I always miss being pregnant, even if I get sick of it. It's so sad only women can know what it feels like. I think if men could feel this, there would never be any war."

Trent didn't comment. He didn't like war to start with, but he wasn't into babies either. His bare arm touched her bloated side and he almost recoiled at the heat he felt. His mom might look like she was full of milk but she felt like she was full of lava.

She was gently pushing either side of her tummy in with her hands, and her tummy flexed and twitched like it was fighting back. "I'll kick you back!" his mom promised, giggling happily.

"But if she doesn't like me, will you still love me?" asked Trent meekly. He was sure she'd take the baby's side. Everything else seemed to be on the baby's side. They'd even got a room and clothes and a crib for someone who hadn't even been outside in air yet.

"Don't be scared, Trent," said his mom soothingly. She was breathing like she'd just run a race, but her eyes didn't look away from him. Trent liked that. When his mom looked at you, you felt like the most important person in the whole world. "No matter what happens, you're my son and I love you as much as ever." She closed her eyes and awkwardly twisted to kiss him on the forehead.

"I love you too, mom," he said, trying to hug her. His arms didn't fit around her, and he felt bumps and rippled running up and down her massive belly. Her baby sister really wanted to be born. But did she want to see him? Would she think he was dumb and hate him?

And would his mom and dad agree with her?

"Trent," his mom began, but then stopped. She huffed and puffed like she'd taken a bite of something fresh out of the oven and it was burning her insides. Her free hand dug into the blankets beneath her, and Trent was relieved she wasn't squeezing his shoulder like that.

Trent saw his mother's tummy tighten into a hard mound and she made a little noise that showed it hurt. There was a sound like when Wind crackled his knuckles and Trent smelt something strange, like fresh straw and his mom sighed in relief.

Then Trent realized the bed under her was now covered in warm water. Had his mom wet herself? She must be really scared, Trent thought. Grown-ups only wet themselves if they get scared...

"My waters have broken," his mom explained breathlessly.

"It's okay, mom, we can fix them," said Trent, patting her shoulder and his fingers came back wet. Not only was the bed wet, his mom was covered in warm water. No, it was called sweat. He remembered that first heat wave when he'd been terrified he was melting.

His mom was all shiny, now, glistening in the candle light. She licked her lips thirstily, trying to get her breath back. "Trent, go and get your father. Tell him it's time. Right now."

Trent didn't move. He was sure if he left her side, he'd never see her again.

"Come on, my brave little man," she moaned, looking at him affectionately. "Your sister's depending on us. You go and get your dad. It's time... time..." She laced her fingers under her huge belly and pulled it back towards her, moving her bent knees apart and pressing her feet into the mattress.

"Mom?" he asked again, realizing she wasn't even listening to him now.

He wasn't important any more.

***

Suddenly Penny and his dad arrived, holding lots of towels and a washing-up bowl full of hot water. "Just in time, eh?" said dad cheerfully, putting the bowl on a dresser. "You want to take little Trent off for a little bit, Pen?"

"Yeah, like I want to watch my mother give birth," sneered Penny. "Again!" She took her little brother's wrist in her hand. "Come on, Trent, trust me - you don't want to see what happens next."

Trent didn't fight as he was dragged out of mom and dad's bedroom. His eyes were fixed on his mother, who was now panting and pushing on the top of her sweaty tummy with one hand while wrapping the other around the back of her thigh.

Then his dad shut the door, blocking the view completely.

"Yuk," grunted Penny, still dragging him away. "I hate how she just refuses to wear clothes for the last month. It really puts a girl off her breakfast. Gross. Plain gross."

"Is she going to be all right?" asked Trent hopefully.

"Probably. What makes you think I'd know?" wondered Penny as she led him down the steps to the second floor of the house.

"You're older than me. You know lots of stuff."

"Well, she managed to give birth to you, me, Summer and Wind without anything going wrong. This new brat will probably be a breeze."

"You don't want a little sister?" asked Trent as he followed her into her bedroom. "Not even a little bit?"

"Yeah, a little kid to get in the way, move my stuff, shrink our allowances by a fifth, why wouldn't anyone want that?" grumbled Penny as she went over to her record player. "And I have to stay at home on a Saturday night to look after you while it's born. Oh, this is wonderful. I can hardly contain my glee."

"Mom said as soon as the baby's born we'll love her."

"Yep, she said the same thing to me about you," Penny retorted. "Still waiting for the second bit."

Trent blinked. "So you really don't love me?" he asked.

"I don't 'love' anyone," said Penny scornfully. "Go to mom or dad or Summer or Wind if you want love." She glared at him, then her expression softened as she saw the tears in his eyes. "Great, made a six-year-old cry. This night gets better and better." She turned and crouched down beside him. "Trent, listen. You're my brother, and I care about you. I don't want you to feel bad about yourself. I don't love you, but it's not because you're bad. It's just me, okay?"

Trent sniffed and nodded.

"Mom's gonna be fine," Penny said. "She told me childbirth is the ultimate high. Not sure if she meant physically or literally, but she's doing what she's good at - dropping sprogs like they're going out of fashion. I'd be amazed if she stops at this one."

"What if something goes wrong though?" Trent blurted out. "What if something happens to her? What if something happens to the baby? What if the baby hates me and makes mom and dad hate me too?"

"Why would a baby hate you?" asked Penny, flipping through her records. "Babies don't know anything. It wouldn't even understand who you are, let alone hate you. And if it doesn't work out, mom and dad will just have another baby and see it works out again. Just like last time."

Trent rubbed his eyes. "I'm sorry I'm not a good brother, Penny."

"Meh, you're a better brother than Wind is. I grant you, it's an overly-narrow superlative. Look, this baby is going to mean everyone stops caring about anything except that baby. It's a parasite, and it's graduated from mom's womb to the rest of us. And it'll stay that way until either there's another baby or we get the hell out of here."

"You're just going to run away?" asked Trent, surprised.

"First chance I get," Penny said, then let out a cheer of triumph as she found the record she wanted. With incredible care she peeled it from its sleeve and put it on the turn-table. "Hey, I've found the perfect song for tonight!"

Trent cheered up immediately. He loved music and he knew Penny did too, and it was the one thing that made them both happy. Penny didn't smile much, but when she did it was almost as cool as when mom smiled.

There was a crackle as the needle found the groove and a brisk drum riff was joined by a bouncy musical organ and lots of cheerful voices singing over each other. It made you bang your head to the rapid, joyful beat as guitars were added to the din.

Penny swayed from side to side, as if invisible hands were grabbing her shoulders and wrenching her back and forth. Her eyes were closed and the angry sadness was, for a little while at least, gone from her heart-shaped face. Her fingers clicked and snapped in time with the tune and, eyes still closed, she reached out, took Trent's hands and started to dance with him.

Trent loved it when Penny danced with him. Normally it happened if she was drunk at Christmas or New Year. She was so cool.

And Trent danced too, forgetting his troubles and enjoying the music - until it ended and then he realized he could hear his mom upstairs, screaming hoarsely senseless words between gasping pants.

Penny hastily lifted the stylus and put the song back on. For someone who didn't care what was happening, she sure looked scared to hear their mom in such helpless pain. Trent wondered how his dad could possibly be brave enough to stay and watch, or how his mom could ever love his dad when he put her through all this.

Just how awesome could a baby be that anyone would go through this?

The record was playing again and this time, Penny and Trent sang along with the chorus at the top of their voices, trying to drown out the screams of Trent's mother giving birth to her fifth child.

"You've done too much!
Much too young!
Now you're married with a kid
When you could be having fun with me!

You've done too much!
Much too young!
Now you're married with a son!
when you should be having fun!"

But as Trent tried to keep up with the lyrics, he realized the singer wasn't as happy as he sounded. He was pretending to be happy but he was actually angry and rude, and was not hiding it well.

"Ain't he cute?
No, he ain't!
He's just another burden
On the welfare state!"

Don't want to be rich!
Don't want to be famous!
But I'd really hate to have
The same name
As you, you silly moo!"

Penny still had her eyes closed and dancing.

Trent wasn't. He frowned.

"You've done too much!
Much too young!
Now you're chained to the cooker!
Making currant buns for tea!

Ain't you heard of the starving millions?
Ain't you heard of contraception?
Do you really a program of sterilization?
Take control of the population boom!
It's in your living room!"

Trent didn't understand most of the words, but he knew what the singer meant. The singer was angry some girl hadn't chosen him, that she'd met someone else and had a baby. Now he was shouting at her, saying she was a loser and he would never want to be with her, because he hated her and her baby anyway. The singer was a jerk, bragging about how happy he was not having a kid and bullying her.

And Penny was doing the same thing, making everyone miserable because mom was having a baby. Because Penny wanted everyone to pay attention to her and nothing else. Penny was like the song, really cool until you realized what it was really all about.

Well, not me, vowed Trent as the song wound down yet again. I'm not going to make the baby feel bad because I want attention. It's not the baby's fault. Mom says I'll love the baby and I will. No matter what happens, I'm never going to hate her or make fun or her or say she's not worth anything. And if mom has another baby, me and my baby sister will be there to love her.

And we'll never play this song that thinks moms should be ashamed for loving the babies again. I'll break the record. And then I'll get the bongos and play a different song, so the baby knows she's loved.

Because the baby sister is a she. Not an it.

He left Penny's bedroom. Penny didn't even notice.

***

Upstairs, mom and dad could be heard shouting really loudly. They sounded like they needed help, and Trent was going to be as brave as his mom said he would. He ran up the stairs in no time flat... and fell over, finding it hard to breathe.

As he got to his feet, he realized his mom and dad had stopped shouting and there was another noise. It sounded like a baby crying. For a moment Trent wondered how a baby could have got in the house, then realized he was being dumb and went to the bedroom.

Trent peeked around the door. Dad was sitting on the side of the bed, mom resting her head on his shoulder and cradling a slimy red slippery thing in her arms. She was smothering the little thing with kisses, and she was crying and smiling and so, so happy.

Trent loud out a sigh of relief. She was safe. They were all safe.

"Mom?"

"Trent," said his mom happily, looking up from the tiny red thing. She looked so proud, like she'd done something better than anyone else in the whole world. Dad looked at mum like she had, too. "Come here and meet your beautiful baby sister."

Trent padded over to the bed, noticing that the sheets were red and filthy now, and making a mental note to be busy next time Summer wanted help to do the washing.

"What about the others?" he asked.

"Ah, Wind and Summer are out on dates, and Penny will turn up when she wants to," said dad. "You get to see her first, Trent, because you're her big brother and she's your little sister."

Mom shifted the newborn baby in her arms so Trent could see properly. She seemed stupidly-small compared to how big she'd made mom's belly, barely as big as Trent's forearm. He couldn't believe that all these months of hard work and pain hadn't come up with something more awesome impressive. He felt like someone should have asked "Is that it?" but knew that would sound rude and nasty.

And he'd promised he wouldn't be like that.

The baby gurgled at him. Its - her - face was... weird. It was red and rumpled around too-big eyes, with floppy cheeks and a gulping goldfish-like mouth. It was a face that should have been ugly. Like monster-in-dark-cave ugly. Yet Trent wasn't grossed out at all.

He touched the tiny little girl's cheek. It was sticky, slimy but softer than anything he'd ever felt. The wisps of fine black hair on her head were just like dad's, but her eyes were a deep dark blue just like mom's. Her little arms and legs ended in tiny, delicate fingers and toes.

Trent knew the baby would look different in a few days, as she got used to being outside mom's stomach and then she would start to grow up until she was as big as him, and then bigger. Would she still be this ugly or would she be pretty?

Trent realized he didn't care. Like mom had said he would, he just loved this new baby girl. He didn't need to pretend like he thought he would, he wouldn't have to bite his tongue every day. He really just loved her and would never stop.

"Hey," he said softly to the little girl. "I'm your brother, Trent. It's cool to finally meet you. In fact, next year, we're going to throw a party just for you being born today. If you're really nice," he whispered, though his parents could probably hear him, "I'll write a special song just for you."

Her tiny hand groped for his fingers and he made sure she found them.

Too much, much too young? Nah, this was exactly enough, at just the right time. And no one could be as much fun as his baby sister, and if anyone ever called her burden, he'd make sure it was something they'd regret doing. Because whatever his baby sister needed, he'd give it gladly.

He just hoped mom would give her a cool name...