**spoilaz**

 

Episode One: The Siege of the Sontarans

A 75-minute special introducing Dan as a politically-incorrect right-leaning comic relief figure. A slightly-tragic working class man living with his parents Sue and Peter in a "Wendy House", he is struggling with his sexuality and a love affair with a man named Rohan, getting little sympathy from his parents or even from his fellow homosexuals. He is caught up in domestic crime when he is outed by Rohan and beaten up by his peers for being "a lifter" on the construction site he's working at.

Gender-neutral Sontarans are travelling through human history to study cruelty and war tactics, including racism in the American Civil War and the Crimea War, while also discovering suitable weak points in history to attack Earth and destroy humanity like the trenches of World War I. The Sontaran leader is Noel and, as the legendary first Sontaran ever to marry, is accompanied by his trans wife Cheryl and neither consider their names remotely funny. He makes a xenophobic rant pointing out the horrible similarities between mankind and the Sontarans. The fact the war with the Rutans is going badly makes the Sontarans more ruthless than ever.

After observing the men beating up Dan to witness human nature and domestic crime, they are outed by the Doctor and Yaz. Exposed, the Sontarans shoot their way out, killing Rohan in the process. Dan insists on joining the Doctor and Yaz to follow the Sontarans, wanting vengeance even though Rohan betrayed him. Dan reveals he was previously married, but his wife committed suicide after their daughter perished in the ATMOS poison. Dan's subsequent struggles with mental health and survivor guilt allow him to both with Yaz and the Doctor respectively.

 

During the Crimean War, the Sontarans are actually after miserable old army boffin called Robert Wood, who conducts hideous brutal experiments on any expendable member of his own side, the injured or disciplined, and is very racist towards Yaz.

In the present, Jack Robertson is in the UK meeting up with unethical maniac Dr. Nigellic Couch, who is introduced in a mankini dancing to Elton John's "I'm Still Standing" and making crude innuendo. He has a gormless co-conspirator called Daniel Rooney who says things like "Don't touch my silly-jimmy! I like your baby carrot, sir!" They are working to politically reclaim the UK by inciting chaos and making conspiracy theories of aliens rigging elections. The Sontarans observe their deviousness with interest. At one point where a bomb is about to go off, Nigellic yells "Stop the count!"

 

And despite being simply a corrupt politician from Alabama who trained astronauts in 1969, there is a hint the Doctor recognizes him and he is more involved with the Sontarans than he should be. He crudely makes a lot of sexual innuendo and his first scene introduces him dancing round in a mankini. He is later defeated when he falls into the TARDIS a swimming pool and is unable to swim, even as the pool is jettisoned. Jack Robertson steals the Sontaran pod at the end of the episode. The Doctor, Yaz and try to find Robertson as he flies off through time.

 

While Robertson escapes in his Sontaran time machine, Crouch avoids the his foes using a disguise as a celebrity (Tom Hanks/Kevin James/Patton Oswalt/Danny de Vito) to flee to a TARDIS. He relocates the ship, which disguises itself as a pub called the Bull Inn.

 

Educated by the Doctor and Yaz after his insensitive remarks to the latter, Dan chooses to stay aboard the TARDIS and escape his closeted life and accepting himself - as well as honoring his late wife and daughter. The Doctor and Yaz start to develop a relationship of their own as they deal with the Judoon and the fallout of the Doctor's escape from space-jail.

 

Episode Two: Florence and the Nightingale

A British naval ship has run aground and unknownly crashed into a Sea Devil nesting site, one of the last few left on the planet thanks to deep sea oil-drilling and plastic pollution. On the verge of extinction, the Sea Devils plan to poison the waters of Earth to wipe out mankind and turn the oceans into a perfect breeding ground. The Doctor negotiates a peace deal between the human naval officers and the Sea Devils.

A 50s-set historical featuring Audrey Hepburn. Time windows and Captain Jack are also involved.

Episode Three: Out of Orbit

At Dan's request, they visit an alien planet. The Celestial Toymaker and other cosmic forces return to shed a little light on the Timeless Child. Lizard people will also feature.

 

Episode Four: Through the Looking Glass

 

The Doctor returns to the Bull Inn and discovers Nigellic Crouch. Despite his buffoonish and comical nature, Crouch reveals himself to be brutal and vile. While meddling with Irish politicians during the Troubles - assisting a group of radicalist Zygons enact more conservative government - he murders a cynical schoolteacher in cold blood:

(Several of the locals back away from this.)
 

DOMHNALL: What kind of creature is that? And do you think that scares me?

(Nigellic Crouch chuckles to himself.)

NIGELLIC CROUCH: Alexa... you know which song to play.
 

("It Doesn't Have To Be This Way" by the Blow Monkeys plays in the background of the scene, as Nigellic places his Amazon Alexa down and starts dancing.)
 

MICHAEL: (whispering) Domhnall, what if it's a weapon?
 

DOMHNALL: Don't worry, Mike. I've dealt with mightier threats in the classroom than this weirdo.
 

NIGELLIC CROUCH: Ain't you gonna join me in the dance, you low-brow school teacher? It's things like this that make me miss that boy - Rooney. We had some wild times together. (slaps his face) Oh! Why am I bein' so reticent about it?!

(Domnhall looks on in confusion.)
 

NIGELLIC CROUCH: Dance, muppet, dance! Or I'll make you eat a potato!
 

(Nigellic laughs hysterically at his own joke.)
 

NIGELLIC CROUCH: (singing along) When you walk out that door, you gotta ask for more!
 

(Nigellic does a bizarre "Irish Jig", during this part of the song. We can see him reaching for something in his coat pocket.)
 

MICHAEL: (whispering to Domhnall) We should go.
 

DOMHNALL: Hey, guys, he'll be calling us Leprechauns next...
 

(The singing starts again.)
 

NIGELLIC CROUCH: (looking into Domnhall's eyes) It doesn't have to hurt that way, just count the pain, you've only got yourself to blame for playing the game! YEAAAAH!
 

(Nigellic suddenly pulls out a gun and shoots Domhnall in the face. He dies instantly.)
 

NIGELLIC CROUCH: Oh, good ol' Domhnall. Never change, you funny Shamrock!

 

 

Episode Five: Angel

 

The Weeping Angels return to capture the TARDIS. They change the life of a librarian called Joe Lofthouse, who is accused of murdering his family (who have actually been sent back in time by the angels.) Joe tells Dan of the doctrines of Marxism and changes his perception of the world. This depressing and emotionally-resonant episode focuses on the isolation of Joe, separating from his family by the Weeping Angels, something Dan sympathizes with.

 

The episode starts with the Doctor, Yaz and Dan trying to throw off the scent of a Weeping Angel who had attacked them and clamped on to the side of the TARDIS. Uncertain why they are being hunted, the fam eventually escape stop in 1700s Wales beachside town and get bed and board with the psychic paper. As they go to bed they see the Angel in the waves from their window, but yearn the Angel has been on the beach forever. But the crashing waves allow other Angels to emerge unseen from the water.

As the Angels continue to erase more people from the modern day, Joe is accused of their disappearances until the locals turn on him for being a serial killer.

 

The Doctor learns from the Sisterhood of Karn that they created the Angels to protect Gallifrey but something went wrong turning the Time War. The Angels went rogue and are now hired by entities as mercenaries and assassins, and they have sent the Angels after the Doctor for helping the Master destroy Gallifrey. The Doctor has a vision of Rassilon standing over the Master who is in chains. She agrees to return to Karn in the belief truths about the Timeless Child will be revealed.

 
 

Episode Six: R.I.P.P.E.R.

 

Ruth returns in a tale of corrupt Judoon and topical deaths of suspects in custody in a dystopian future Earth. Nigellic Crouch is locked in jail. The Prime Minister of Britain, a BJ parody, is revealed to be a Zygon using the UK as a home base to install a globally-united fascist regime of Zygon-controlled government. All dissenters are sent to concentration camps and fought by rogue agents Kate Stewart and Osgood.

The governments of the world realize how vital UNIT and Torchwood are and discuss reviving them. Yay.

 

 

Episode Seven: The Night You Left

 

Robertson meets Krasko the space-racist who want to assassinate MLK before he makes his "I have a dream" speech. Robertson agrees to help him and when Yaz tries to stop them, they team up to torture her in the belief the Doctor is working with another Time Lord. In a shocking scene she dies before she gives in. A furious Dan kills Krasko is stopped from killing Robertson by the Doctor who is able to bring Yaz back to life with a magical kiss which establishes their relationship.

More shocking is the final scene where the Doctor travels forward to see MLK being assassinated as history records. To her amazement, the dying MLK starts to regenerate. Time Lords arrives to collect the newborn Time Lord, who is clearly the fugitive Doctor.

Episode Seven/Eight: Swan Song

Both of these episodes tell the same story, the first part from the Doctor's POV and the second from the Master's.

With his Cyber-Masters, the Master is hunting down Rassilon and tracks him down to the planet Karn where he is seeking sanctuary with the Sisterhood. The Master is determined to kill Rassilon over the Timeless Child, and the sisters telepathically summon the Doctor as the Cyber-Masters invade Karn. Ohila and the sisters tell the Doctor Rassilon is hiding in a mountain temple and knows about the Timeless Child warn something more dangerous than the Cyber-Masters is stirring.

 

Rassilon confesses the Timeless Child stuff is true and he disposed of Omega and Tecteun to ensure he alone wielded power over the Time Lords. Furious over his exile, Rassilon put the information about the Child into the Matrix to manipulate the Master into destroying Gallifrey in rage. The Master arrives, not pleased to learn this, but Rassilon reveals that the Master is also a Timeless Child, explaining all his incredible survival powers.

 

Rassilon is kidnapped by the Master and his Cyber-slaves who destroy Karn and the Sisterhood, but when the Doctor gives chase the TARDIS falls through a crack in time and powers down. The Doctor steps from the TARDIS and is stunned to be confronted by none other than Omega himself. Omega reveals he is controlling the Master and using the Cyber-Masters as a template to regenerate and re-enter the matter universe. The Master, meanwhile, has apparently killed Rassilon himself.

Ruth returns in a resolution for the Timeless Child plotline and strong hints are that the Master was wrong and the Timeless Child is not actually the Doctor. Nigellic Crouch is revealed to be a dark incarnation of the Doctor in her Timeless Child days, pre-Ruth, who has become a rogue member of the Division and out to cause chaos. The truth comes out when we see Crouch regenerate into Ruth.

We learn the current status of several members of Time Lords from the classic series. 

 

 

Finale

 

Back on Earth, Jack Robertson is finally the President of the USA and Kate and Osgood summon the Doctor. Robertson faces the Doctor's brutal wrath for his killing of Yaz.

 

Fearing another alien invasion, he secretly revives the defense drone project (now Kaled-free) as a last line of defense. Alas, the next alien invasion is that of the Daleks who are disgusted by humanity creating 'impure' Daleks and want to put those responsible on trial. Thus this attack is under the watchful eye of the new Grand Inquisitor Dalek, a black Dalek Emperor type that of course turns out to be Davros when it finally meets the Doctor. Davros is overjoyed to know Gallifrey has been blown up as they chat about the respective origins of Daleks and Time Lords.

 

The terrified Robertson uses his defense drones to protect him once more and, because as US President he has been able to loot the Black Archives, the drones are able to overwhelm the real Daleks and attack their main saucer. Davros sends a special weapons Dalek to wipe out all the drones and it does, but then Captain Jack arrives and uses some gadgets to stop the SWD before it kills Robertson. Robertson orders a missile strike on the saucer, as its defenses are down from the drone attack.

After focusing on their relationship, Yaz sacrifices herself to save the Doctor from dying. It doesn't work.

Davros and his two Dalek bodyguards emergency temporal shift away, leaving the Doctor on the doomed saucer. She tries to repair the shields when the missile hits and the generator electrocutes her. Nonetheless, she is able to steer the damaged saucer into deep space where its final explosion won't harm any inhabited planets and struggle into an escape pod and return to Earth. She crash-lands and is helped out by Yaz, Dan and Captain Jack who all immediately leave her to join the reformed UNIT, return to his normal life and reboot Torchwood in Cardiff respectively.

 

Left alone in the TARDIS, the heartbroken Doctor collapses from her injuries (Dan has shot her in the face at some point) and has flashbacks of her companions and friends before regenerating.

 

Nigellic Crouch will return as a villain next year.

 

.

 

 

DOCTOR: What are you doing down here?
THE BEAST: Because I love the darkness. I live for the darkness. My soul is the darkness. My heart is the darkness. My life is the darkness. My soul stinks of darkness.
DAN: Oh nice - I'd like a sample for my shampoo collection.
THE BEAST: (laughing malevolent) You've never showered in your life, you greasy, morbid creature. I will devour your both.
DOCTOR: Wait... Before you do! Who are you?
DOCTOR: It's Scoffin' Scott!
DAN: Who?
DOCTOR: The Doughnut Officer mentioned him.
THE BEAST: No - I am much worse than that.

(The lights turn on gradually as we see the silhouette of a large shape, the sound of crackling flame and hissing breath. Then, they fully turn on to reveal a large man in simply a g-string, dancing towards them. It's the one, the only Nigellic Crouch!)

DAN: That's not funny. I have a medical condition.
DOCTOR: All right. Sorry, greaseman Dan.
(Dan looks like he's about to punch the Doctor.)

ROONEY: Hey guys. Do you know a really cool trick Nigellic taught me to do?
DOCTOR: No - I don't. But I'm sure I'm about to find out.
ROONEY: Well, he taught me it for when I'm aware from home and I feel excitable. You see, he usually helps me out when that happens at home - but now I'm away from him for the week. Well - anyway... Can I show you how?
DAN: (mouth watering) Yes, I need some kind of fun with myself when I'm in the middle of a crowd of women who aren't interested in me!

SEAN: Sorry, mate. That was a bit mean.
(Nigellic Crouch collapses in pain. Olly enters with a pen in his hand.)
OLLY: Hi guys. Got the pen now.
(Suddenly Olly sees Nigellic Crouch and the pen falls out of his handfs and into Nigellic Crouch's injury.)
ROONEY: Ain't that a sight to behold?
DOCTOR: One way of putting. Is he dead?
DAN: Damn well hope he is.
(Nigellic Crouch wheezes in pain.)
 

NIGELLIC CROUCH: (singing) There's no hope for hungry child, no wonder!
(Nigellic Crouch smashes through the glass window, and picks up all of the cakes on display. He stuffs a pan au chocolat, a brownie for good measure again and a Victoria Sponge in his mouth. Nigellic Crouch stares at his face for a split second and notices that he is lacking something... He then picks up the jam from another Victoria sponge and rubs it against lips.)
NIGELLIC CROUCH: And now... my joker is wild!
BAKERY WAITER: (aside to the audience) And they said the Jolly Green Giant was fictional.
(Nigellic Crouch then mulls over his next move carefully - and then he spots Sue Turns in the fruit section.)