Smug Mode (2019)

Well, my published story Loose Ends in the unofficial 1972 Doctor Who Annual has been reviewed by none other than Paul Margrs himself for his second edition of The Annual Years and he has high praise for my work!

The effort of a crazily-determined and talented enthusiast, Loose Ends sees the Master apparently living in a suburban house in Dagenham, and can't get anyone to take any notice of his grand schemes for taking over the planet. The Doctor has to explain to him exactly why no one is taking him seriously. A lot of the joys of this involve rather ordinary or jarringly-British things - the Master ordering a Chinese takeway, for example - which make you wish this story really had been broadcast back in the day. I really want to see the Master failing to make himself beans on toast because his gas has been cut off...

Okay, it's not much, but screw you!

Back to mocking others' work...


The Eighth Doctor - Jeremy Howe-Stammers-James-Walker III

Season 27 (1999)

• Serial 7R - The Anal Subject
• Serial 7S - Best Enemas
• Serial 7S/A - The Doctor's Nude Pose
• Serial 7T - Stig-Martyr
• Serial 7U - The Tingling Theory - banned in the EU
  
• Serial 7V - Ex-Parrots - banned in the EU
• Serial 7W - The Spaz Process - banned in the EU
• Serial 7X - MacQuarrie 237 (Appendix III, Subsection 9)
• Serial 7Y - Tamara Scott Cutaway

Season 28 (2000)

• Serial 7Z - The Gimmick Plot of Doug Who
• Serial 7Z/A - Booty-Calls At Only 99c A Minute...
• Serial 8A - **CENSORED** Magic
• Serial 8B - Venn Diagram
• Serial 8C - Silly Prague
• Serial 8D - The Winner of the 2002 MediaWest FANQ for Best Doctor Who Story (General)
• Serial 8E - Escape Bog

Season 29 (2001)

• Serial 8F/B - The 2001 Lavros All-Star Holiday Special!
• Serial 8F - Ed Wood of the Dustbins
• Serial 8G - Bosoms? Corr!! - available as XXX-tentacle porn hentai on 4chan
  
• Serial 8H - G-Spot
• Serial 8J - Blown Out Of The Brothel
• Serial 8K - Feel-Up
• Serial 8L - The Thongs That Matter [Parte the Firste]

Season 30 (2002)

• Serial 8M - The Thongs That Matter [Slight Return]
• Serial 8N - The Rani of Cheney
• Serial 8P - Sex And Contempt
• Serial 8R - Debt of a Brigadier
• Serial 8S - Tomb of Daddos
• Serial 8T - No, Dear!
• Serial 8U - Queers of Rassilon
• Serial 8V - Loving the Redhead
• Serial 8V/B - Stoned With Condoms

Season 31 (2003)

• Serial 8W - The Sheldon's Crusade
• Serial 8X - The Kitchenette of Lord Byron's Whores
• Serial 8Y - Low-Key
• Serial 8Z - En Suite
• Serial 9A - Nubian
• Serial 9B - Slut Infinities
• Serial 9C - Dill
• Serial 9D - Curry Powder of the Dustbins

Season 32 (2004)

• 9E - No Breasts For The Weekend
• 9F - The Asshole Men
• 9G - Naughty Feelings
• 9H - Our Rob Or Ross
• 9J - Flat On Your Back
• 9K - Conned Virgins
• 9L - Cod-Maker
• 9M - As The Clerks Strike Back

Season 33 (2005)

• Serial 9N - Porn of Time
• Serial 9P - The White Guilt
• Serial 9Q - Slutcharmer
• Serial 9R - The Constipators
• Serial 9S - The Atef Crayon
• Serial 9T - Freudian Fighter
• Serial 9U - The Orion Expresso
• Serial 9V - The Caged Angler
• Serial 9W - The Shitty Emperor
• Serial 9X - Stephen King's The Mist
• Serial 9Y - What Would Joss Whedon Do?

Ninth Doctor - Tony Robbins

Season 34 (2006)

• Serial 9Z - Nude Bargaining
• Serial 9Z/A - The Philosopher's Fist
• Serial 10A - The Lesbians of Sappho
• Serial 10B - Franchise of the Dead
• Serial 10C - First Bjork
• Serial 10D - The Legend of the Green Cross Code Man
• Serial 10E - Lip Gloss Demon
• Serial 10F - Who Gives A Shit?
• Serial 10G - Sauna in a Type 40 TARDIS
• Serial 10H - Jenny Agutter
• Serial 10J - Girdle of Death
• Serial 10K - A Michaelmas Fanfic

Season 35 (2007)

• Serial 10L - Moondance
• Serial 10M - Moonwalk 
• Serial 10N - The Curse of Jude Law
• Serial 10P - Strange Fetish
• Serial 10Q - Admiring Your Plum Bum
• Serial 10R - Yoko Oh No!
• Serial 10S - Nine And A Half Days
• Serial 10T - Doughnut
• Serial 10U - Love & Monsters

Season 36 (2008)

• Serial 10V - The Web of Tie-Ins
• Serial 10W - The Waxed Museum
• Serial 10X - The Box of Sauerkrauts
• Serial 10Y - The Coca Cola Can
• Serial 10Z - Questionnaire
• Serial 11A - The Michaelmas Paedo Hunt

Season 37 (2009)

• Serial 11B - Truffaut the Wander-Dog!
• Serial 11C - Nozin' Around
• Serial 11D - Knapsacks
• Serial 11E - She Was Only The Shoemaker's Daughter, But...
• Serial 11F - The Plastic Perverts
• Serial 11G - Tempura Rendition
• Serial 11H - City of The Drag-Acts
• Serial 11J - The Russell T Davies of Evil

Tenth Doctor - Lawrence Miles


Season 38 (2010 - 2012)

• Serial 11K - Penfold
• Serial 11L - The Michaelmas Northerner
• Serial 11M - The Michaelmas Northerner II: Not Before I've Opened My Presents
• Serial 11N - Piece Of Piss
• Serial 11P - The Fountain of Shite
• Serial 11Q - The Michaelmas Vomit 
• Serial 11R - The Mousaka of Anhur
• Serial 11S - The Vaunt
• Serial 11T - Fecund Life
• Serial 11U - Premature Ejaculation
• Serial 11W - Red-Bull
• Serial 11X - Bullshit
• Serial 11Y - The Michaelmas Prick-Tease

Season 39 (2013)

• Serial 11Z - Ecumenicism of the Dustbins 
• Serial 12A - The Spicks 'n' Specks Horror
• Serial 12B - The Knicker Parade
• Serial 12C - Goth Opera 
• Serial 12D - Reflexive Incontinence
• Serial 12E - Comic-Con of the Dustbins

Season 40 (2014)

• Serial 12F - Goat Shit
• Serial 12G - Cybercunt
• Serial 12H - The Absolutely, Definitely, Completely Final Reckoning
  Serial 12J - Even MORE Final Reckoning Than Before! We Really Mean This Time! Honestly!

Season 41 (2018)

• Serial 12K - The Michaelmas Spoiler
• Serial 12L - The Throne of Paddington 
• Serial 12M - The Secret of Paddington
• Serial 12N - Polemicist
• Serial 12P - The Web Of Inanity 
• Serial 12Q - "Get Schwifty!"
• Serial 12R - Fights and Irresponsibilites
• Serial 12S - Loon-Lust
• Serial 12S/A - The Michaelmas Futility

Season 42

• Serial 12T - About Nothing Much
• Serial 12U - The Michaelmas Cliches

Nostalgic Parodies

The Eighth Doctor - Paul McGann

Season 28 

• The Enema Within
• Shagged'er II: This Time It's Finished
• The Company of Jerks
• The Silver Twerk
• The Itch and the Swell
• The Army of De'Ath
• The Audio Doctors

Season 29

• Sick Morning
• Bored of Ironing
• The Stoned of Venice
• Inuit in Hull

Season 30

• Evaders from Bars
• The Crimes of Fright-Night
• Vogon Cutaway
• Reasons to Care
• Encase the Arseholes
• The Rhyme of the Dustbins
• Nowhere-Land

Season 31

• Zig-Zag-Gay-Ass
• Schizo
• The Credo of the Moron
• The Actual History of Beer
• The Twice-A-Night Kingdom

Season 32

• Faith Dealer
• The Lust
• Cardiff
• The Best Wife

Season 33

• Terri's Firmer
• Sail Away
• Other Lies
• Clock Work
• Rubik's Cube 
• Baker Street
• Ablutions
• The Girl Who Never Was A Virgin

Season 34 

• Lymph of the Dustbins
• Horror of the Music Industry
• Immoral Beloved 
• Diemos
• Tell Me Lies
• Hostile Takeover

Season 35

• The Dustbin Trope
• The Prostitution Game
• The House on the Edge of Cardiff
• Island of the Ken Doll

Season 36

• Dead Cardiff
• Top Gear
• Brave New World
• The Skull of Sobriety
• Grand Theft Auto: Cardiff 1898
• The Bygone Who Sold The World
• Sisters Are Doing It To Themselves/The Vengeance of Moby

Season 37

• Obituary
• Neil's Lentil House of Total Nourishment
• The Breasts of Orlock
• Wirrrn-Born
• The Space Goat
• The Cannibis
• The Eight Years/The Silly Rubber Spiders' World Wide Web (of Fear)
• The Michaelmas Special

Season 38

• Pretty Vacant
• Neverwhere
• The Book of Chelmsford 123
• Phobos/The Erections on Mars
• The Michaelmas Goof
• Cigars of the Pharoahs
• Joey Ross/Must Die

Season 39 - Dark Nipples

• The Great Wank
• Fidgeting
• New-Fangled Web Series
• [Insert Name Here] and the Dustbins
• The Tractor
• The White Shroom
• Time's Arousing
• Nipples of the Bastard
• The Breasts of Hope
• The Defiled
• Nasty Plan
• The Rule of the Impotence
• Liv Chenka in the Sky With Diamonds
• The Freak of France
• The Bastard of the Dustbins
• Nipples of Darkness

Season 40 - Doom Consolation

• The Ian Levine
• Lady In Red Cutaway
• The Galileo Tripe 
• The Semantic Mill
• Knobhead
• Stains On His Wife
• The Git
• The Pornomancer
• Absinthe Fiends
• The Eight Pence
• The Doomsday Odometer
• The Cubicles Of Assholes
• Stuck In A Plot Hole
• Bongs Of Love
• The Agenda of the Stone Bastards
• Drop The Frock

Season 41 - Rowdiness

• Their Finest 45 Minutes
• How To Avoid Alimony Payments With Time Travel
• Worlds of Dalmations
• Bertie Bassett Strikes Back!
• Escape From Cardiff
• The Michaelmas Massacre
• Fairy Tales of Short Skirts
• See-Saw
• Deep-Time Full Frontal
• Companions (Pierced)
• H.E.D.G.E.F.U.N.D.
• The Otters Against
• Whimper
• Planet of Musk
• The Nightclub of the Bastard

Season X - The Temporal Difference of Opinion

• The Sheep And Thesaurus
• Echoes of a Difference of Opinion
• The Draft Script
• One Wife
• The Fjords Of Terrorism
• Planet of the Morons
• In the Cardigan of Death
• Gonad
• Facebook Status of Bliss
• The Fannish Lands
• Fugitive On Tyne
• The "Difference of Opinion" Valeyard
• The Kitchen Sink/Starkness and Shite
• Fries With Onions
• The Hipsters of the Universe
• Areola On Both Sides
• Sequel of the Vashta Nerada
• The Snotaran Hors d'oeuvre
• All Shippers On Deck
• Hellbound to Fanwank

The Ninth Doctor - John Hurt

Season A - Only The Monstrously-Well Endowed...

• The Incontinent
• The Townsend Worlds
• A Fart In A Bottle

Season B - Infernal Devices And Where To Shove Them...

• Luncheon of the Lost
• A Thing of Kale
• The Negligee

Season C - Estate Agents of Kiosks

• The Chateaux Vortex
• The Inanity Cage
• The 57 Chevy of Rassilon

Season D - Contraception and Warts

• Panty Liners
• The Lady-Boys Of Obsidian
• The Iguana Dimension

 

The Tenth Doctor - Chris Eccleston

Season 1

• Serial 9A - Ruse
• Serial 9C - The Restaurant At The End of The World
• Serial 9D - The Presuming Ed
• Serial 9B - Alias of London/Barroom Brawl III
• Serial 9E - I, Dustbin
• Serial 9G - The Long Haul
• Serial 9F - D-Day
• Serial 9H - The Bumpy Ride/The Doctor's Bananas
• Serial 9J - Funky Town!
• Serial 9K - On The Game World/The Parting of the Legs

The Eleventh Doctor - Dave Tennant

Season 2

• Serial 9Q - Afterlife
• Serial 9L - The Michaelmas Evasion
• Serial 9M - Earth 2.0
• Serial 9O - The Michaelmas Werewolf
• Serial 9N - School's Out!
• Serial 9P - The Nun in the Lift-Shaft (or How I Learned to Stop Worrying About Clockwork Robots And Fuck Mdme Du Pompadour)
• Serial 9R - The Raise of the Cybermen/The Age of Consent
• Serial 9RA - Infamy of the Zeros
• Serial 9T - The Idiot Box 
• Serial 9RB - Gender Fluidity Of The Chavelier
• Serial 9V - The Implausible Premise/The Santa Tip
• Serial 9W - Love & Pizzas
• Serial 9U - Filler
• Serial 9RC - Cold Vagina
• Serial 9S - Follow the Phantoms/Dustbin -vs- Cyberman
• Serial 9X - The Drunken Ginger Bride

Season 3

• Serial 9Y - Smith & Wesson
• Serial 9Z - The Shakespeare Of Evil
• Serial 10A - Traffic Jam of the Macra
• Serial 10C - The Dustbins on Broadway/Devolution of the Dustbins
• Serial 10B - The Lazarou Experiment
• Serial 10F - 47
• Serial 10E - Being Human...ish/The Strawman Argument
• Serial 10D - Blank
• Serial 10G - Dystopia
• Serial 10H - The Beat of the Drums/The Lust of the Time Lords
• Serial 10P - Time-Crush
• Serial 10J - The Michaelmas Inferno

Season 4

• Serial 10N - Partners In Crumb
• Serial 10M - The Fans Of Up Pompeii
• Serial 10K - Planet of the Odd
• Serial 10Q - The Snotaran Strategy/The Poison Skype
• Serial 10R - The Doctor's Incest
• Serial 10RB - Time Beaver
• Serial 10L - The Uni-Cyclist and the WASPs
• Serial 10RE - 1609.34 Metres Down
• Serial 10U - Spoilers in the Library/Ferrets of the Dead
• Serial 10RA - Technophilia
• Serial 10RD - No Milk Today
• Serial 10S - Midday
• Serial 10RF - The Creeping Stink
• Seruak 10RC - Death And The Drag-Queen
• Serial 10T - Wrong Turn
• Serial 10V - The Solemn Earth/Journey Till Dawn

The Twelve Doctor - Dave Tennant (Slight Return)

• Serial 10W - The Michaelmas Imposter
• Serial 10X - Planet in Space
• Serial 10Y - The Water-Fights on Mars
• Serial 10Z - The End of Tennant

The Thirteenth Doctor - Matt Smith


Season 5

• Serial 11D - The Eleventh Hole
• Serial 11B - The Breast Bellows
• Serial 11C - Rebranding of the Dustbins
• Serial 11A - The Time of the Stone Bastards/Fleshy Boners
• Serial 11F - Surfboarding Killer Bikini Vampire Girls Suck Venice!
• Serial 11J - Amy's Pro Choice
• Serial 11E - The Hungry Pervs/Cold Spunk
• Serial 11G - Vincent van Gogh -vs- Space Chicken!
• Serial 11K - The Blogger
• Serial 11H - The Pandermoneum Happens/Gnab Gib Eht
• Serial 11L - A Michaelmas Adaptation

Season 6

• Serial 11M - Set-Up/Punchline
• Serial 11P - The Implausible Astronaut/Day of the Loon
• Serial 11S - The Cruise to the Accident Black Spot
• Serial 11N - The Doctor's Mail Order Wife
• Serial 11Q - The Wobbly Flesh/The Almighty Peephole
• Serial 11R - A Good Cliffhanger Goes To Waste
• Serial 11W - Let's Shag Thatcher
• Serial 11O - Nocturnal Emissions
• Serial 11T - The Girl Who Masturbated
• Serial 11U - The God of Unsafe Sex
• Serial 11V - Closet Time
• Serial 11X - The Story Arc of River Song
• Serial 11Y - The Michaelmas C.S. Lewis Plagiarism

Season 7

• Serial 12B - Sanatorium of the Dustbins
• Serial 11Z - Dinah Saw A Spaceship
• Serial 12A - A Town Called Percy
• Serial 12D - The Prowler Of A&E
• Serial 12C - The Stone Bastards 2012 NYC Tour!
• Serial 12H - The Great Defectives
• Serial 12G - The Michaelmas Tellytubbies
• Serial 12K - The Balls Of Saint Charlene
• Serial 12L - The Bling of Akhaten
• Serial 12F - Cola War
• Serial 12E - Hype
• Serial 12J - Journey to the Centaur of the TARDIS
• Serial 12H - The Crimson Whorehouse
• Serial 12M - A Nightmare That's Silly
• Serial 12N - The Noun of the Doctor
• Serial 12O - The Publicity Stunt of the Doctor
• Serial 12P - The Michaelmas of the Doctor

The Fourteenth Doctor - Pete Capaldi


Season 8

• Serial 12Q - Deep Throat
• Serial 12R - Into the Dustbin
• Serial 12U - Robbin' In Da Hood
• Serial 12S - "By Steven Moffat"
• Serial 12T - Zeitgeist
• Serial 12V - The Caricature
• Serial 12W - Fuck the Moon
• Serial 12X - Swinger On The Orient Express
• Serial 12Y - Chatline
• Serial 13A - The Florists Host "Sky At Night"
• Serial 12Z - Dark Subject Matter/MacBeth in Devon
• Serial 13B - The Michaelmas of Lust

Season 9

• Serial 13D - That Magician Is Pretentious/That Bitch Is Familiar
• Serial 13C - Under The Fake-Outs/Before the Dudd
• Serial 13E - The Guest Star Who Died
• Serial 13F - The Recurring Character Who Lived
• Serial 13G - The Bygone Evasion/The Bygone Perversion
• Serial 13K - Sleep Around No More
• Serial 13H - Flip the Raven
• Serial 13J - Seventy Per Cent Proof
• Serial 13L - Get Bent
• Serial 13M - The Common-Law Partners of River Song At Michaelmas

Season 10

• Serial 13R - The Michaelmas Revenge Of Mr. Hysteria
• Serial 13N - The Plot Device
• Serial 13O - SMILF
• Serial 13P - Thin Meth-Amphetamine
• Serial 13Q - Knick-Knack
• Serial 13S - Oxycontin
• Serial 13U - Extremely-Pissed
• Serial 13V - The Pyramid Scheme At The End Of The Presentation
• Serial 13W - The Lies of the Trump
• Serial 13X - The Temptress of Mars
• Serial 13T - The Eater of Shite
• Serial 13Y - Cyber-Genesis and Stuff/The Doctor Quits
• Serial 13Z - The Michaelmas Repetition

The Fifteenth Doctor - Jo Whitaker

Season 11

• Serial 14A - The Trans-Woman Who Fell To Sheffield
• Serial 14C - The Roast Monument
• Serial 14D - Rosa Parkes -vs- Space Racist!
• Serial 14E - Attracted to the AA
• Serial 14G - The Ranga's Faulty Condom
• Serial 14J - Demons of the Punchline
• Serial 14H - Satire!
• Serial 14F - King James Cutaway
• Serial 14B - It Takes Your Virginity
• Serial 14K - The Battle of Rama Lama Ding Dong
• Serial 14L - New Year's Resolution of the Dustbins