Single Fiction reviews (ii)

The Third Doctor Collection

Home From Home (Mark Simpson) kicks off with the newly-exiled Doctor facing a new and difficult life on Earth. But don't worry, the Seventh Doctor has popped back and given him absolutely everything he needs so there's no worries about having to be resourceful or clever. Only the characterization of the regulars redeems this.

Second Thoughts (Eric Bakke) is an unusually-serious vignette from this author, with the Doctor brooding over the events of Venusian Lullaby and The Silurians. Well, it isn't an obvious path to take, at least.

Nine Lives: Sacrifice (by Simon Skupham) is more mystery, mayhem and innocent bystanders being killed but don't expect it make a lick of sense or give any context to the previous installments.

In Remembrance of Times Future (Loretta Thessane) is another past-Doctor-dealing-with-the-Time-War story, as the Third Doctor and Liz pay respects to a grave dug by the Second Doctor to a nameless companion of the Eighth Doctor. Grim and somber, and fitting the mood of Season 7.

The Small Hours (Simon Skupham) is a heartwarming snapshot of an average night for the Season 7 regulars at UNIT HQ, showing them coping with alien invasions in the middle of the night.

Floating Danger (Richard Callaghan) is a bleak tale where the Doctor successfully goes back in time a few days before a child is killed by an alien and can only be nice to him before he meets his fate. The cruel apathy of the Time Lords has never been shown in such brutal contrast to the Doctor's compassion.

Broken Dreams: Wrong Decisions (Daniel Iveson) shows that Joanne is still not living her life properly and the Doctor has to sort out her foul-mouthed drug-abusing boyfriend. Yes, she was in a bad relationship, but surely she didn't need the Doctor to tell her that? Had it really never occurred to her? Sheesh!

Open Arms (Simon Skupham) has the Doctor sort out an alien visitation without anything bad happening. Putting the most patriarchal and patronizing of the Doctors up against the Drahvins and actually winning them over is both interesting and unexpected.

The Triumph of Axos (Mark Simpson) pretty much spoils its AU plot with the title. What would happen if the Doctor's plan wouldn't work? Well, it meant it failed, obviously. Ergo, Axos kills everyone and the Doctor mopes. Is there actually a point to this little hypothetical? No surprises here, except that it was written.

Look Before You Leap (Mark Simpson) is a Quantum Leap crossover. I can't see the appeal, as no one is aware of Sam Beckett's actions and he learns nothing from the experience. I don't understand why you'd write a story where nothing matters, nothing changes, and it might as well not happen. It makes The Triumph of Axos look like deep, thought-provoking drama.

You Know, But You Don't Know (Steve Lake) is a 1000-word conversation as the Doctor hunts down the Master who has been doing nice things of late. Is he really playing the long game? Or does he have a good side? The answer's obvious, but it mines potential untouched until the creation of Missy.

Melegium Mine (Simon Skupham) is a very dark take on the usual UNIT story where the Doctor cheerfully manipulates and murders people to ensure history runs to course and discoveries aren't made early. The Brigadier and Jo seem happy to go along with it as well, because it's all for the greater good. Disconcerting.

One Moment of Freedom (James Stewart) is exactly what it says on the tin, with the TARDIS managing to take the Doctor for a tour of the Solar System before returning to Earth. The rest is just an exploration of the Third Doctor's feelings for exile and contains little not said elsewhere.

Mother England Reverie (Mark Ritchie) has Jo recruit the Master to save the day when the Doctor is incapacitated. The regulars are all done to perfection, with Jo's fierce protectiveness of the Doctor and the Master's see-sawing trustworthiness proving plenty of tense moments. A satisfying change from the norm established so far.

The Indigo Parallel (Simon Skupham) is a thematic sequel to The Curse of Peladon, where the Doctor and Jo encounter some more warlike Ice Warriors about to invade a planet and try to reason with them instead of sending them all into the sun or somesuch. Neat, straightforward and frankly refreshing.

Mark Simpson provides another crossover in Quatermass and the Probe, so we can have the Third Doctor, Jo, Rachel Jenson, Gilmore and Quatermass deal with a forgettable crashed spaceship. If you're a fan of any of those characters, this is a waste of time. Frankly, a story about them all stuck in a lift together would be more interesting and use the characters more inventively. Unless you medically need an explanation for the Doctor recognizing Rachel in Remembrance of the Daleks, you can easily live without it.

Directly following is All That Glitters which has the long awaited Third Doctor/Cyberman conflict. To save the humans, the Doctor needs a carpenter - but don't get excited, he just needs some fake glitter guns to scare off the Cybermen. He has a couple of real ones from Future's End. That's the most interesting bit, really, is him finding some props from another story.

Interlude on the Plain of Stones, set between scenes in Planet of the Daleks, is just the Third Doctor telling a story of the First Doctor and Steven saving the Draconians from a space plague. So it's basically a cut down version of The Sensorites. It's a boring page-filler about an even more boring page-filler.

Quake (Jennifer McCoy-Yanta) is a straightforward tale of the Doctor and Jo helping out in the middle of a natural disaster. Nothing deep, but putting our heroes' money where their mouths are in an uncomplicated display of compassion and heroism worlds away from the cruelty of other stories in the collection.

Whiplash (Chris Pollard) is a short, witty and dark take on the Third Doctor and the Cybermen, an improvement on All That Glitters in every way. There's a nasty twist in the tale which gives our hero some righteous indignation and even allows us to pity the villains. This is the sort of thing fan fics should be striving for - a story with a point.

The Removal Men (Simon Skupham) is set on a future colony world where government paranoia is out of control and people are disappearing. A poorly-characterized Doctor and Jo save the day with hypnosis, lies, hitherto-unmentioned friends and the old "call the media to expose it all" shtick. The story is more interested with the "removals" than any actual plot.

Who do you think you are kidding (Mr Hitler)? (Paul Pollock) A so called "gentle crossover" which involves the home guard telling the Doctor to go away in his TARDIS. And he does. Meh.

Chased and Chaste (Sophie Jensen) has Iris Wildthyme wanting to bonk the Third Doctor and he's not keen. There, I just spared you reading the entire thing and you'll probably have a better opinion imagining what it's like.

Liberation (Mark Simpson) is the second Third Doctor/Drahvin tale but don't worry, it goes exactly for the sexist kinky-dominatrix line that Open Arms cunningly avoided. On their first TARDIS trip together, the Doctor lets the radical feminist Sarah Jane Smith face the strawwomen of the Drahvin, who are of course not only evil bigots but thicker than two short planks. It's headshakingly bad, but the Doctor and Sarah are well-drawn at least.

The Fringellians (Kaye Redhead) is a hard story to find on the website and were it not part of the Decades series, would probably never be found. It's a pity they didn't go further and delete it outright. Because whatever the author's shortcomings as a writer, this is unacceptable. The central idea, of the Doctor, Sarah, Jeremy and Chancellor Goth checking out 1930s Berlin Olympics, wouldn't be bad per se, but the sequence where Sarah flirts with Rudolf Hess to get the inside scoop on Hitler - a hero of hers and personal friend of the Doctor. This is no bluff, no altered history. Hitler is a great guy, a comedy German who'll do great things. Compared to this, the total failure to do a pure historical is small fry. Quite frightening.

The Twelve Doctors of Christmas: Free Frenchmen (Steve Lake) has the Doctor, Sarah, Brigadier and Jeremy arrive in occupied France fighting the SS on Christmas Eve. Easier to stomach than The Fringellians, even aside the Brigadier's casual racism, but the "Christmas war" theme is getting a bit thick in this series.

More WW2 antics in Time's Edge: The War Diaries of Sarah Jane Smith (Mark Simpson). This time the variables are, in no particular order, Strax, evil Sontarans, Nazis and first person narration. Some clear effort went into this tale, so it's a pity the end results don't appeal to me at all. The classic Doctors are coming across more and more as useless morons as they need assistance to solve the most basic of problems...

Just Another Day (Simon Skupham) is a refreshing break from his usual morbid efforts, with the Doctor and Sarah doing the rounds at a UNIT hospital on Christmas Day and giving something back to the red shirt cannon fodder. It is genuinely moving and sweet, and without doubt one of my favorite stories of the site.

Palm of the Hand, on the other hand, is another poorly-told tale of cruelty, exploitation and then the Doctor killing everyone to prove a point. Here it seems he and Sarah have been caught up in a Truman Show style fake world around unwitting actors, but it's never made clear why the pretense is being made, why they kill people, or even what the title is supposed to refer to.

Secrets (Mark Simpson) has the UNIT family throwing the Doctor a birthday. Another of the "better imagined than actually described" ideas Simpson tends to lock on, and really quite boring in execution.

A Second Chance at Life (Kaye Redhead) wants to be an uplifting tale of how the Doctor and Sarah showed a junkie prostitute a better way of living her life, which just so happens to involve joining UNIT, killing people, drinking lots of beer and having sex with strange men. The fact it claims it was "based on a true story" is really rather bizarre. So, um, in real life Benny and Roz were bridesmaids for a Mary Sue they never met?
 
The Five of Diamonds (Simon Skupham) is another bewildering and incoherent mess. The Doctor is reflecting on his life and paints a picture. Or maybe builds a sculpture. Or something else. The title refers to his companions, the Brigadier and the TARDIS but it doesn't help explain anything, or why everything is so bloody mysterious.

Don't Forget Me, Will You? (Bryan McCormack) is a missing scene from The Five Doctors as the Doctor and Sarah return home. The subject matter has been thoroughly explored before and since, but Sarah dealing with her "old" Doctor has some mileage in it. The TV script format is a novelty too.


The Fourth Doctor Collection

The Twelve Doctors of Christmas: Four Killing Birds (Steve Lake) sees four assassins trying to kill the Doctor, Sarah and Harry after their Skaro mission on behalf of shadowy, cigarette smoking paymasters. Not a bad story, but the link to Christmas is so tenuous as to be non-existent.

Tempus Fugit (Mark Simpson) is a crossover with The X-Files. For once, this isn't quite as gratuitous as it might be, as the Doctor and Harry facing off against American FBI agents has at least some potential. Bringing back the Delgado Master to tie things neatly up to Legacy of the Daleks, however, is fankwank to a degree you really should reconsider your life choices. The absence of Sarah is pretty rubbish too.

Peace of Cake (Steve Lake) is another one of my absolute favorite stories. It's a simple tale of the Doctor having a picnic on a sword-and-sorcery world that ends up becoming a peace conference between warlords and knights, while Sarah and Harry lark in the woods. I can't recommend it enough.

The Chain (Simon Skupham) is a shaggy dog story from Harry to his wife, and though initially impenetrable as the author's other works, ends happily and concisely for once.

Skupham also provides Flinch, a tale of UNIT being reduced to protecting a football team from death threats and the Doctor being - unsurprisingly - more interested with a man growing wings. Just as the plot, with the Doctor keeping UNIT and C19 off-balance about this new bewinged chap, gets going it ends. Was this meant to be the first of a series? Has half the story gone missing? God damn this is irritating.

Marching Orders (Steve Lake) makes the end of the UNIT era categorical as the Doctor and Sarah, disenfranchised by the now Brigadier-less organization, decide to quit. It's realistic and heartwarming as our heroes embrace full-time TARDIS travel and their friendship is beautifully portrayed.

Green Unpleasant Land (Simon Skupham) has the Doctor and Sarah face off a horticulture-obsessed maniac, but it's not the return of Harrison Chase but a king on an alien planet who's lunatic whims when it comes to what to grow and eat are causing chaos. It's a good idea for a story, but undermined by skipping over a lot of the drama and having the resolution involving - surprise surprise - the Doctor killing someone.

Kiss of Death (Eric Bakke) is a fun little sketch of Sarah trying to tactfully explain to the Doctor why they've both been locked up for trying to help. Not great fan fiction, but fun to read.

Decemberland (Simon Skupham) acknowledges its similarity to The Android Invasion before the setting of an alien-controlled picturesque English village becomes obvious, one of numerous idiotic mistakes that undermine what could be an interesting story. Skupham's fetish for grim everyone-dies endings and willful obtuseness is cranked up to eleven here, as the villain's motivation and comeuppance is revealed to the Doctor and Sarah but not to the reader. Why was he doing this? What killed him? How did the Doctor know? Should I just skip Skupham's stories from now on, given their disastrous success rate?

Eye of Orion (Mark Simpson) starts off with an interesting idea - the Doctor and Sarah discover titular holiday spot is being invaded by the BBV's Cyberons, and then learn folk are actually just filming a movie there. And that's where the good stuff ends. The same basic idea was explored beautifully in Scientific Advisor, whereas here we get a few mentions of the Doctor criticizing extras and plots of a B-movie, and then cut to a future Doctor forcing his companions to watch the film so they can boggle at "Dr. John Smith" being in the credits. Odd how it's easier to review terrible stories than good ones, isn't it?

The Zedwyex Crystal (Simon Skupham) does not boast a title that inspires confidence - ZYX? - but it's slightly more upbeat than usual, with the Doctor not committing coldblooded slaughter to resolve the plot simply by virtue of the plot resolving itself, very similarly to The Cross of Castell. Could've been worse.

Meet Me in St Louis (Terrence Keenan) is a return to acceptable quality for the Decades series, and this one focuses on the strife and trouble of the first interracial baseball team in the 1940s. The Doctor and Sarah relaxing at a baseball game, at least at the start, is a novel concept and the main plot is quite satisfying. The only downer is the cliche of learning a historical character changing their entire life after meeting the TARDIS crew. Does no one take responsibility for their actions any more?

What Goes Around (Nix Nada) is a bleak snapshot, sort of like River Song in a nutshell, as the Doctor encounters a woman from his future who dies for him, tainting their relationship when he finally sees her. It's clever and doesn't outstay its welcome, though.

Among Heroes (Terrence Keenan) is a surprisingly tasteful take on the September 11 tragedy, putting the Fourth Doctor as a bystander during the collapse of the twin towers. The story, like the Doctor, focuses on effect rather than cause, and how the people of New York selflessly went above and beyond to help however they could, the same spirit the Doctor has always shown at his best. A sober yet uplifting story.

Death-Stalker (Mark Simpson) is a refreshing break from fanwank vignettes and is an original story. Well, reasonably original, as while there are no returning characters it is a generic murder mystery on a spaceship for the Doctor and Leela to solve. It's functional but the attempt at a thought-provoking moral - "It could all have been prevented," the Doctor said. "If only those critics had been more kind in their views. They turned an ordinary young artist into a dangerous and vicious enemy." - is laughable. And if authors are driven into a killing frenzy by these reviews, I'll take my chances...

The Prize (Joseph Schofield) is the sweet idea of Leela winning a goldfish. Check it out.

Siren Call (Mark Simpson) has the Doctor and Leela ambushed by a fake distress signal by the Cybermen. Short and to the point, its focus is more on how the Doctor and Leela think of each other and their relationship rather than trying to tidy up a piddling bit of continuity of bring back an old monster. Leela's reaction to the Doctor's apparent conversion into a Cyberman and his heartwarming "last words" raise this high above the authors' previous works.

Murder on Mystery Island (Simon Skupham) bears more than a passing resemblance to Horror of Fang Rock, as the Doctor and Leela try to stop ignorant humans being slaughtered by unseen alien nasties. Dropped in media res, however, makes it impossible to care for the characters and, oh what a surprise, the Doctor once again saves the day with mass slaughter, burning his enemies to death one by one. Is everything all right at home, Mr. Skupham?

Both of Terrance Keenan's stories Bluesman and Live at Birdland focus on the Doctor's musical education of Leela with visits to John Lee Hooker and John Coltrane respectively. Written with love for the music, the men and the time travelers, these are great tales and well worth reading.

Two Tribes (Mark Simpson) is another "funny idea" that, mercifully, is too short to criticize and uses Leela to view modern society through new eyes.

The Compleat Angler (Terrence Keenan) is a plotless little character scene of the Doctor and Leela going fishing together. The characterization is perfect, the concept straightforward, and it's a winner. It seems something about the Fourth Doctor and Leela really brings out the best in writers.

Lust in Paradise (Garry Cobbum) is a 1000-word sight gag of someone ogling Leela while she's skinny dipping, and is both short and funny enough to get a pass. A good ending, worthy of remaining unspoiled.

A Little Knowledge... (Mark Simpson) shines a spotlight on the Doctor's actions and motives during The Invasion of Time and they are far from pleasant. The Seventh Doctor blackmails the Fourth into hypnotizing Leela into staying on Gallifrey and breaking Pythia's curse as stated in the NAs. While you could argue the Seventh Doctor's disinterest in his companion's freedom of choice, the fact the Fourth treats Leela so casually after all the stories the same author wrote establishing their friendship, leaves a nasty taste in the mouth.

Holiday Interrupted (Terrence Keenan) is a bizarre AU story where instead of Romana, the Doctor's new Time Lady companion is a CIA agent called Heather and also an unwitting spy for the Cybermen. An early fic writing attempt and rightly hounded by the author for its rubbishness, it is if nothing else an interesting demonstration of how a writer can improve after a dodgy start.

Time's Edge: The Bat People (Mark Simpson) is the same recipe with new ingredients of the Nest Cottage audios, NuWho Silurians, and Ridell and Nefertiti in cunning disguises. As nothing here appeals to me, I can't give an impartial review, but the same sodding rabbit from the same sodding hat is getting a tad predictable.

Gateway to the Stars (Nix Nada) is a crossover with Stargate SGI and although I have a fondness for that series, if I want Stargate fan fic then I will go looking for it. The Doctor merely replaces the "untrustworthy guest of the week" and given that SGI is, in effect, just another version of UNIT, means nothing comes of this.

Free Spirit (Mark Simpson) is another "oh, haha, wouldn't that be a fun idea?" crossover as the rebooted Randall and Hopkirk (deceased) meet the Fourth Doctor and mistake him for their own Tom Baker character. The story consists of that particular misunderstanding and no more. There really needs to be a moritorium on trying to turn an actor's CV into a fan fic.

Pensacola (Garry Cobbum) is a waste of 1000 words. The idea of the Doctor reuniting with Sarah post K9 and Company deserved better than this incoherent, tasteless and pointless skit. The title is appropriately meaningless.

Accidental Visitors (Stephen Brill) was transcribed via voice-recognition software, as the author is blind. As such the tale is mostly dialogue and seems inspired heavily by the TARDIS chase from The Invasion of Time. I've tried numerous times to read this story, but it's different to follow and the nonsensical return of a old enemy doesn't help. You read it, you'll probably be able to do it more justice than I can.

Fortunes of War (Kaye Redhead) makes a few crucial continuity errors, completely contradicting the Key to Time season as the TARDIS crashlands on Earth and the Doctor and Romana get involved in a Romeo and Juliet style plot that is not nearly as entertaining, relatable or even interesting as the author things. Skip it.

You Can't Never Go Home Again (Mark Ritchie) teeters on the edge of AU as the first Romana fulfills her plan to return to Gallifrey and deliver her thesis. A character study of the Time Lady and how much the search for the Key to Time has changed her and her view of the universe, its a far better swansong to the Mary Tamm incarnation than the next story. Recommended.

Death and the Rani (Mark Simpson) shows the uncanny insight that Siobhan Redmond would be an incarnation of the Rani, decades before Big Finish cast the Scottish redhead. Of course, there she played the incarnation after Kate O'Mara and here she plays the one before. But that's about the most interesting and exciting bit of this adventure, where the Rani tries to kill the Doctor, the Doctor kills the Rani, the Rani regenerates, Romana regenerates, the end. As in Season 6B, the mysteries of Time Lord regeneration can be perfectly tamed by a bottle of pills from the Gallifreyan chemist, and its availability allows the post-regen insanity as the author decrees, yay.

The Magnificent Convalescence (Simon Skupham) is set directly after Destiny of the Daleks so we can expect plenty of Adamesque wit and Williamseque humor, can't we? No, of course not, see who the author is! Instead the Doctor and Romana visit a space-age retirement home where pointless murders are being committed. And then the police sort it out all off-screen. At least the Doctor doesn't murder anyone in this story.

The Police Box in my Garden (by Terrance Keenan), as the name would imply, involves the Doctor and Romana dealing with the homeowner where the TARDIS has materialized. It's a simple encounter that causes the narrator to reappraise their life, and their description of Romana and the Doctor as an art student and her professor/lover is one of several moments that just click.

Excuses, Excuses (Steve Lake) is a fun take on a child explaining why he didn't finish his homework, thanks to getting caught up in the adventures of a certain Time Lord. A reminder of the time where everyone wanted to travel in time and space with the Doctor without any dark, edgy PSTD drama.

Indication of Fate (Kaye Redhead) ranks up the author's childish comedy writing with a crossover with The Tomorrow People. Having absolutely no interest in that franchise, nor finding it hilarious for the Doctor and Romana to make gags of that series, the only thing of note is the introduction of the Haxc - the TimeLord original monster that will make a few more appearances. Alas not only are the Haxc a rather uninteresting villain (they're xenophobic aliens who live only for war) the various writers can't decide whether the Haxc are giant koalas or giant kangaroos. When the characters themselves consider the plot resolution rubbish, you're in deep trouble.

Nine Lives: Blue Eyes (Simon Skupham) pitches the Season 17 crew into this mess, and though more direct and proactive, there's still no clear explanation what's happening, what's at stake or why anyone should care.

Patronising (Simon Skupham) is an unsurprisingly grim tale trying to explain the change from the feelgood Season 17 to the somber Season 18, as the Doctor and Romana visit a newly-crowned king trying to reverse his father's legislation. Alas, it's the usual TARDIS crew as helpless bystanders with plenty of violence and deliberately-unexplained plot details (just what did the Zalls do that was so bad yet Callum is unable to describe?). Joyless and cynical, in that order.

The Wall (Kaye Redhead) is a schizophrenic blend of surreal and unfunny silliness - witness the third member of the Vardan trio who is worried about over-baking some potatoes in their spare time - and grim psychological torment - as the Doctor's Season 17 silliness is revealed to be trauma-induced insanity from the mindwipe he received in The Invasion of Time. When the Doctor's memories are restored, it's the perfect explanation for his sudden dark broodiness throughout Season 18. This is a good story but very, very badly-told.

Degeneration (Simon Skupham) is set during the E-Space trilogy but that aside is now a Terry Nation style list of author-specific cliches - an alien planet that might as well be contemporary Earth, corrupt and selfish characters, criminal scams, gratuitous violence (Adric is thrown through a window when it's clear there's nothing he can add to the plot) and that never-gets-old climax of the Doctor murdering everyone because he can't think of a better solution, although it's actually treated as a bad thing for once. How novel.

Finally there is the bizarre miniseries of Sean Neuerburg's The Timeless Trio, four stories featuring the Season 18 Doctor, the NA version of Ace and Kroton the Cyberman with a Soul from DWM. Exactly how or why these three are traveling together is never explained, in or out of the fiction. They certainly don't bring out new and unexpected sides to their characters, and the Fourth Doctor already traveled with a sarcastic robot and an overly-violent young woman on TV. But central premise aside, the four stories are interesting and unusual - An Affair to Forget, is a Douglas-Adams style tale of a passenger liner falling into a sentient sun and the passengers trying to make the best of it; The Evolution Theory is a grim depiction of desperate scientists meddling with DNA on a dying planet; Kroton takes the lead in Sin of the Fathers as he infiltrates a Cyberman army to save his friends; and finally Again is a timey-wimey adventure where the time travelers interfere with the events of the first story, providing a neat end to the saga. We were promised more of The Timeless Trio but like so many of TimeLord's "franchises" it curled up and died, which is a pity given the clear talent of the writer.