Friday 2 November 2018

Doctor Who - Trumpophobia

When RTD revived the perfectly-preserved corpse of Doctor Who in 2005, he created a seasonal structure that has lasted to this day. The show starts with an exciting contemporary episode to introduce the cast, then TARDIS trips to the not-so-nice future and a celebrity historical, then back home to show the craziness is not a one-off and the companion cements their decision to keep traveling as a third-wheel companion is added to the mix. The rest of the season builds to a climax of impending apocalypse that can only be stopped with some technobabble that loses the companion and via a "WTF?!" moment leads to a Christmas special.

RTD's four series followed the pattern, though it was shifted up a bit when it came to adding Mickey or Martha to the mix, or doing historicals before sci-fi. Moffat stuck rigidly to that structure for his first season but the fact he didn't chuck out the cast or resolve the story arcs meant that there was no incentive to do it for his second which, perhaps coincidentally, tanked. He went back to RTD's Skeleton for 2012, 2013 and, bizarrely 2014 (which was odd given the main characters were so utterly jaded it was literally going through the motion). For Season Nine, Moffat tried to do his own thing and tanked, and was forced to go back to first principles for 2017 to win over a crowd by not basing your season format by being a trolling Scottish misanthrope.

Unsurprisingly, Chibnall is not arrogantly trying to reinvent a perfectly serviceable wheel and in the fine tradition of Aliens of London, The Lazarus Experiment, The Sontaran Stratagem and, um, The Caretaker and Knock-Knock, we have the "companions returning home to realize they can't just walk away from the mad(wo)man in the box" as they encounter their less-than-ideal families and learn that no, the craziness won't stop. Moffat had absolutely no interest in the relatives of his companions, with Amy's non-existent parents being first a plot point and then genuinely ignored altogether. No one can ignore the fact that Elsie Oswald, Brian Williams, and whatever Bill's mum was called all appear when Moffat isn't writing. Even when he made Amy and Rory River's parents it was ignored bar the odd one liner. Despite having a far more stable family relationship than RTD did, Moffat had no interest of that sort of thing getting in the way of his stories. Hell, a cut scene revealed Clara's dad was murdered by a Zygon which shows you how much that would have affected Clara's character for her last few stories.

Of course, we already know about the O'Brien/Sinclair family with the disappeared dad and the women dying tragically young. Ryan has quickly realized that Graham, Yaz and the Doctor have far greater claim to be his "proper family" than the unseen and entitled sociopath from whose loins he sprouted. Graham himself meanwhile can't cope with confronting a Grace-less world and probably would even have chosen Capaldi instead - certainly Moffat's poor track records with happy companion endings is confronted here. The Doctor can't promise her new gang will be safe or even unchanged by the experience, but they're up for it. This is a nice change from the previous regime where all companions were simply vanity projects for the Doctor (who wanted to solve the mystery of Amy's crack, River Song's kill list, Clara's impossibility, and wanted Bill as a distraction from his dayjob) who all died horrible, horrible deaths after their lives were utterly ruined.

But no, this time, the Doctor is a good thing. If a slightly embarrassing one and while Yaz has been forced into the background, the Nyssa of this new Season 19 gang, she comes slightly to the fore here. She's used to being the dullest of a foursome as we meet her not-unpleasant-but-not-that-pleasant-either family. Her dad's a friendly conspiracy nut who will dump other people's rubbish in his living room as a protest no one knows about it. Her sister is a job-shy man-slut phone-addict. Her mum has a life, and it's clear she could cope perfectly well without her lameass family hanging around her like a stone albatross, but Yaz's mum is so damn nice she sticks with them anyway. They're credible as people and probably quite acceptable neighbors. But it's no surprise given a choice of making up the numbers for Khan get-togethers and TARDIS travel, Yaz is so obsessed with the Doctor that she is being mistaken as the Time Lady's lover. Just like Rose, Clara and Bill were. And Martha very obviously wasn't.

Given the "hang on, are you shagging my first born daughter?" scene with the companion's mother is now up there with shouting down a Dalek eyestalk as stuff-proper-Doctors-have-to-do, it would feel weird to lose that just now the Doctor's a chick. And of course, despite her clear confusion at the idea she bonks her friends, Yaz only ends up strongly hinting that, yes, she is so into that hot Gallifreyan action. Plus the conventional romance building between her and Ryan and we could be into that other New Series trope of the TARDIS love triangle. Given the Doctor's now using some brand new psychic paper (quite unnecessarily in this episode, at least) it seems like more and more of the pre-Chib era is starting to seep through the new glossy paint.

Needless to say the Old Skool vibe is drowned out by a frankly-deafening cacophony of Ye Olde Doctor Who as Chibbers outdoes Moffat's fan fetish of 2015 - no mining out the guts of the Hinchliffe years with sequels to Genesis of the Daleks, Terror of the Zygons and The Deadly Assassin. He goes for the ones everyone remembers, The One With The Giant Maggots and The One With The Giant Spiders and slams them together. An unscrupulous company dumps toxic waste that affects wildlife. A corrupt executive in blatant parody of a contemporary political leader. A companion strongly contemplating leaving the Doctor. Giant creepy-crawlies slaughtering bit part characters and leaving their bodies covered in practical special effects. The Doctor mourning a giant monster that needed killing. Regular characters coping with loss and having their own adventures. Letters arriving from unseen characters leading to giant spiders. A giant spider queen whose death throes make it sympathetic. Kitchen materials being used to combat a disaster. A friendly character referred to as "mum" despite having a name. The Doctor facing her greatest fear. The TARDIS getting to its destination for once.

Frankly, like 2013's Hide, it's like someone at BBC Wales got drunk and did a sparacus story seriously.

So what did sparacus think?


7/10. Not bad actually. Pitched at child level but ok, despite the awful Trump like character. I accept that the company disposing of the waste from the lab acted irresponsibly, as did the hotel entrepreneur. However the principle of utilising brownfield sites for construction is a positive one. Extremely disappointing that there was no reference to Metabelis 3 or Planet of the Spiders. Lack of respect for the classic series.

Well, I think that--

The 3rd Doctor would have taken a much more overtly political stance against the greedy corporate bodies responsible for dumping the toxic lab material and building the hotel. He would approached it all very seriously and with a greater air of authority. Moreover Jo Grant would have been more passionate about the ecological issues raised rather than these air-headed new companions who only seem to care about their personal relationships.

Excuse me, I--

A number of politically correct things noticeable this week:

1) The Trump-like US businessman. Portrayed extremely negatively.

2) The anti-gun use agenda being pushed again, despite the fact that shooting the spider was more humane than letting it die slowly of lack of oxygen.

3) The scary spider plot feeds into the latest health & safety political correctness panic in the UK i.e. fear of false widow spiders which has already led to several schools being needlessly closed.Over-the-top health and safety regulations are a form of political correctness. I accept that the shooting of the spider was not efficiently carried out. However its death would have taken longer the other way. False widow spiders are essentially harmless and it is wring to teach children to be afraid of the natural world.Well yes, however how many giant man-eating spiders actually exist in the UK? Fear of spiders is at best crankish and at worst a springboard to killing harmless creatures.

SHUT! UP!!

Sheesh! Of course lots of people will be complaining about how the spiders eat a lesbian (which is terrible, but consuming heterosexual white males is just natural selection, right kids?) or how Trump-Lite got off so easily or how Not-Osgood technically caused this whole giant monster business or that machine-gunning creatures to death is less cruel than letting them die of natural causes. I say, stuff them.

The plot relies not on Trump-Lite and Not-Osgood being evil, but on being trusting. There was no deliberate plan from either of them given one is arachnophobic and the other arachnophilic, neither would want a situation where giant spiders run amock. Trump-Lite trusted Frankie-The-Lesbian-Niece-In-Law to simply sort out this mess before he had to deal with it, and Not-Osgood assumed the garbage men would actually do their freaking job. Hell, Trump-Lite's argument about building his hotel over the mines isn't even suggested as a bad thing per se, the Doctor just notes it's done so badly it's causing a problem. The crucial thing is that Not-Osgood accepts responsibility for this disaster and its resolution, while Trump-Lite doesn't. Similarly, his argument that killing the mother spider would be an act of mercy isn't outright wrong, but it is being spoken by a psychotic arachnaphobe pumping random bullets into a defenseless enemy screaming how he's better than the current President of the United States. Any mercy is entirely unintentional, though I found the sudden jump-cut to the TARDIS without Trump-Lite facing any consequences (or even the threat of consequences on firing illegal firearms on British soil, not to mention all the dead bodies he's connected with) smacks of poor editing. Or maybe a story arc. Either way, no one is arguing he'd be a better choice for POTUS than the guy they have now.

Indeed, due to some dodgy sound I actually found Trump-Lite almost sympathetic. When a gigantic spider smashes out of his bathtub and tries to attack him, the terrified spider-fearer instinctively slams the door and locks his bodyguard in with the spider. Given Trump-Lite's blind panic and the fact Kevin the bodyguard was packing heat, this isn't as nasty and cruel than it might seem (compare Capaldi's Doctor letting someone have their brain ripped out in the vault because he's busy eating sushi). When it seems the bodyguard has perished, Trump-Lite appears to gasp "I have to mourn Kevin!" in the same way he similarly-schedules bathroom breaks. He acknowledges his employee is dead and deserves respect before he rightfully prioritizes not-being-eaten-by-a-giant-spider.

But no. Actually, he said "I have no more Kevins!" - i.e., no more expendable employees left to sacrifice.

Damn, Trump-Lite, I gave you a chance, man...


‘These days, you can’t even stay round a giant spider that will likely kill and eat you in case it offends a Sikh. It’s political correctness gone mad Stew!’

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